Every time
I close my
eyes
you are there.
A whole day
may pass
when you
do not
enter my thoughts
Not even once.
Yet when the
night falls
thoughts of you
haunt me.
Sleep escapes me
like a scared little girl.
Sometimes I wonder if it's punishment?
For not thinking of you.
You might ask
how?
how can I not
think of you?
how can I be at peace
with myself?
The answer is
and
has always been
that I've never been at peace.
It's taken me
years
oh the years
it took for me to get here
I wished
hard
and
prayed
that I wouldn't
have to feel
anymore.
cause it hurt so
bad.
the anxiety
consumed me
and yet
I couldn't do
anything
at all
I was
powerless
in
every way.
everything
was too much.
and now
here I am
my wish has come true
...somewhat
I can go
days
without thinking
of you
without hurting
but now
I don't feel anything
and
it feels like
a betrayal
to you.
cause you're
suffering
while I'm
escaping.
How can I live
like this?
I don't
know
how or what
you're doing.
you could be
drinking up
the nights
to escape
the pain.
you could
be sleeping
with random
men.
someone could
be hurting you
and I not even
know.
and the worst
part is
I don't
know why
you're hurting.
You are
hurting
so
so
bad.
but I don't
even
know
why.
I'm
so
very
sorry.
