An Innocent Mistake (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 22

Ten months have passed. I have earned plenty of money from which I gave some to Ragenite and keep the rest to me. This way Ragenite is happy and I am too. In fact I notice her attitude different than before. She treats me with affection that I barely remember any trouble she has caused. Her temper has improved. And the crankiness is gone without a trace.
I start to like her that way.
I come out of my room, head to the kitchen. The counters are empty. Only a dry non-stick pan sits on the stove. It doesn't seem like it was used to. I check in the fridge for something to eat. Unfortunately beside a gallon of milk and a half loaf of bread I don't find anything else. Instead the fridge is sending out cold mist, raising the goosebumps on my light skin. I bash it close, wobbling slightly.
Going upstairs, I search for the money I had gotten from the babysitting. Demanding for twenty bucks was perfect. When I first got my first pay I couldn't buy enough excitement. It always seemed less. During nights, I count the bills of twenties. So fresh and warm like they were just printed out of the machine.
Finding that I have saved more than usual. I almost twirl on my heels but remembering that creaky floorboards will reveal my excitement to Ragenite. Though I make her happy giving some too.
I look in the front pocket of my bag, reaching deep inside, I expect the bills attracting to my fingers. But there is nothing. I get shocked. At first I don't believe in myself. I try to remember where else I would have put my money. But there were no ideas. Only place I often treasured the small bundle of money was in the same front pocket as always.
Man. Where did it go?
I was anxious, or terrified. Couldn't tell the precise difference.
Where did it go? I murmured. My heart beat paced in desperation.
I still couldn't believe they were not there. Like they were stolen overnight. A robber broke into my room and devoured all the money.
If I could I would have cried. Loud. But couldn't. Ragenite then would know my reason.
I once again dug through all the pockets, pack of clothes stuffed crinkled in one place. I spilled them out on the floor and shook each one out in the air. Still no hint.
The mysterious part was that there was not even a single bill found. All of them were gone overnight. Extremely unbelievable. I went down in rush. Ragenite was out in the yard, having fun with the plants and dirt. I dropped down by her. She noticed my feet and laddered up to my face.
"What's big? She asked.
"What?"
She dropped the small shovel covered in dark brown dirt and dusted the disgusting hands. "How's your morning?"
"Good." I said, with dull edges to it.
She rose up and ruminated the parts of me. I already felt a little uneasy.
"What's the matter? The difference color of your face is telling me something else." Her eyes weren't off me for that case.
"Really? But I am fine. Must be the weather change."
She looked to the clouds to see if they were the way I was telling. But I was sure she couldn't tell much. The sky was same as every other day. While she eternally looked to the sky, I perspired from my temples, leaking down the side of the face. Before she began looking at me, I shook the nervousness that sticked like a spider web over the chest.
"I wonder. I didn't feel good waking up in the morning."
She retrieved the attention to me. "Working with the plants. Have you ever tried planting one? It's whole lot of fun."
Spreading a fake smile, I said." I used to have this huge lawn in which there were..........beautiful......." My voice thinned with the internal pressure.I felt a distinct energy piping straight up the body. I became hesitant at a bit. It was growing impossible to not talk about this. A floating urge knocked at the door of my heart, talking to me, and I couldn't ignore it no matter what. It seemed like it was always somewhere inside of me, but I opposed to raise it.
Why, I asked myself.
There was no answer.
Why.
Silence stretched.
I flopped low. Miles of emptiness scared me.
"Yes beautiful...... and?"
"I forgot."
Ragenite's optimism came to the ground. She was enthused to know about the plants, flowers and-
"It's alright. I know this is not easy."
"What is not easy?"
She mulled at the ground and turned around to the burrow she shoveled out. The hole was big enough to carry a treasure box. A small one.
"Nothing. You seem to mind it. I know I used to be that way. Never even wanted to think about my mother and her disgusting treatment toward me. But time healed it for me." She squatted, trembling. Her emaciated feet were quivering discerningly beneath the round edge of her dress. She pressed them slightly deeper in the ground, capable of engraving her footprints. She picked the shovel and worked on shaping the hole.
I left when I found that her interest was wearing off. Later around the tip of the noon, she told me she was going out, and will not be back until late evening. Probably when sun drowned to the west at dusk.
As she carefully trodden down the front steps, I hung by the door, watching her disappear behind the next door's swaying tree. Lastly she withered away from under the shade and then I closed the door.
My heart settled after being impatient. I hovered to the Ragenite's room and targeted the desk. The place appeared cleaner than the last time I once broke in. But that time it was my carelessness. I should have been wiser before doing anything. The risk was equal to coaxing the lion for the dear meet.
One thing I noticed that there were no leaves on the desk, neither the floor.
I rummaged in the drawers, (at the edge of coming out and falling in my hand) stuffed with yellow papers, that altered color over the age.
There were also some white ones that I couldn't miss among them. But what I was looking for, I didn't find it there.
I would never doubt Ragenite but my conscience told me something that I never considered. I was starting to draw conclusions that she stole my money. After all it was possible that she tumbled into my room like a crook and slyly snaked her hand in my bag. Seeing it, I haven't made it harder for her to have access to it. I should have hid it under the pillow so I would have caught her red hand.
I checked almost every corner. Beneath the mattress, in the showcase and hunted for any secret spot. But unsurprised there wasn't any.
I wanted to curse and cry out loud at the same time. But both seemed ridiculous.
If she hasn't stolen my money then where did they go. It couldn't be possible that some invisible creature vanished my money as a trick.
I begin to get scared. It was absolutely uncanny. The circumstances behaved like one of those in horror movies when the main character is stuck in an awkward and eccentric situation and he, or she has to choose between two options. So what were my options.
Even after ten months, the old Ragenite is same. She might have changed by how she treated me, but the personality of hers was clung to her like a curved hook on a neck.I had once again been fooled by her disguise. I was coerced to her deadly cage.
My trust from her drained down the gutter. I visited the kitchen, and invaded the cabinets searching for my money. A foolish act of pulling open the oven door and looking among the flame, if there ever were money, they had probably turned into ash. Next in line was the fridge. A cool space that profoundly told that I am empty as a haunted house.
Coming to the living room, I flooded the Chester drawers with my big hands skimming through trash, which belonged in a black bag of glade sitting near the giant garbage bin. Exasperated, more of the dead herbs broke by my insane touch. They produced extra, spoiled mess.
I didn't want to give up. After all I had saved up to hundred seventy. What a heart broken I was. Working hard so in the end I get something good. I was saving up so I buy something for myself like a pair of new shoes. But they worth more than what I had.
Shooting the drawers shut, angrily. I rocked on my back on the floor, seemingly holding my head taut so it doesn't roll off my neck. I was slowly eaten by a concern. There was no hope. Nothing made sense. Like I needed to press replay button and watch everything again, from the very beginning.
I rapidly beat the floor with my feet, drawing the fixed nails out of the boards. Few times banged the fist against the roughness. Then stopped because I was hurting myself.
I hate you Ragenite! I hate you! You disappeared my money! Ugh!
I got up like a petulant child and dodged to my room. I took my bag and packed in my things. Then marched out with bag hanging on my shoulders and darted out of the house.
I was finally able to make my own decision. No Ragenite. No nothing to stop me from leaving hell.
Down the block. I walked alone. No pedestrians on the sidewalk. As I broke out of the neighborhood I felt a surge of hope. There were people, here and there. I finally cut the rope that was keeping me aback. I was free like a bird from the cage and fleeing off to the eternity.
The same scene of when I abandoned home, and stumbled on to this new place ran in my head. Every bit of that event came flying to me. I even remembered the first meeting of me and Ragenite after an incident. That time I didn't have money, and neither this time I was out with weighing pockets. My pant pockets were flat. But I haven't bothered much with the concern of not having money. It sure maddened me seeing my struggle of joining each penny up to hundred dollars wrecking like a ship in the sea.
Ahead laid a mysterious, busy world of people. Especially looked fascinating to construct the sight at the town growing brighter in the setting sun, pointing fiery streaks of orange light. The rest of the glow immersed softly in the blue-ness. I could already see the stars pulling out of the light sky.
People streamed down the sidewalks happy and excited about their life. But I didn't feel the reason for being happy. I was feeling pathetic, restless like something better awaited me.
I motioned in a narrow path leading up to turning block on the right. In a distance, I saw a familiar place that lingered in my mind from the last memory. It was that supermarket that I had once tried to escape. With what? I thought.
All of this occurred to me fast. I was beginning to remember things even after ten months as things were put on the way. It was like, a police luring the answer out of the victim by laying clues on the table.
I took right entering in a rather calm place. The trivial noise of the outside was slowly getting accustomed to my ear. Not that I liked noisy places. Walking down straight ignoring the faces of the passerby, I bumped into a someone. I hoisted my attention to say apologize. As the woman looked up to do the same, perhaps. I got shocked. The word apologize was cut off and the widely gaze stunned me.
It was Ragenite.
Before I determined to take any step, even escaping. She snapped the grip over my wrist, seizing me tight with displeasure.
I tried to pull away. But the pain of ripping flesh of my skin, unleashed series of harsh throb. I felt like my veins were being scratched out and I would incessantly bleed.
"How dare you?" She said. Sudden rage ruled her gimlet eyes, pumping blood. "How did you get here?"
She sent another forceful pressure on which I jolted in eating pain. The only proof that was yet to reveal was the thick crushing blood, oozing from the slit.
"Leave me. You are hurting me." I tried to snatch my arm from her grasp. I couldn't imagine such vigorous power in old bones. They acted upon me like they were young, fresh off the boat.
"Never, are you crazy?" She started pulling me to the opposite direction. But I screeched to fall apart from her reach.
Nobody around us had gotten their attention on us. It only meant that Ragenite was a good actress. She managed to disguise a good role in the public role. Her malicious grin kept us together in the eyes of pedestrians, which I abhorred the most.
"Please , Ragenite, leave me . Let go of me." I cried. "I want to go back."
"Shut up, you........ " I snapped my eyes close to escape the nightmare. But Ragenite's grasp was still felt with the closed eyes. "You are not going anywhere. You are coming with me."
When we reached home, she tossed me inside the house and bashed the door. If there appeared to be an extra lock, she would have stuck it in the door too. But her poor house hadn't had any.
I got up and kicked a distance between us. Seemingly she couldn't glue her eyes anywhere else. All that overwhelmed her was the flaming indignation.
After living with her for months I was well-known by her anger and how it always climbed up quietly, and then later destructed her surrounding with the storm. I could live up to anything but not the last minute before Ragenite's rage. It was deadly as a poison.
She strode towards me and I immediately ran upstairs to my room in a tremendous terror.
She came after me and banged on my door.
"You little........ Come out. Where are you hiding?"
I shut my ears. My arms shuddered violently, and I felt myself giving up. The cuts on my left arm were numbed due to the panicking.
As I was already far from easing my soul and the situation, another bang beat the door, that door nearly toppled over to my side.
"Ragenite stop!" I competed over the raucous. Though it was very noisy I could hear the knuckles striking the solidity. "I am sorry I will not do it again." I screamed.
It seemed like I would pass out. I was feeling out of control and the responsibility to resettle this issue burdened my shoulders. Like it would never be fixed. And Ragenite will eventually die from pounding.
After a while I heard her anger descend. The thrashing fists and the bony knuckles stopped at the door. The noise wore off to some ease. The air was aided by the quietness, as the peace that helped me out of the anxiety.
Soon after the stairs caught the sound of leading steps going downstairs and the haunted rush diminished. I slid down against the door, grieving the regret. The weight of loneliness doubled over my heart. I had just killed myself. I had pulled myself away from all the opportunities. I was deserted in a dry land surrounded by thorny plants yearning to seek moisture to bring back the softness. My hands tore apart, skin shriveled, and drooped down looking at the eternal black pit, wishing for the water to barge out of it in a fountain washing the drought. Veins of water squirming in the cracks, sprouting a new life.
Holding my temples until the next day, left the print of my fingers in blood jam. I took them off my face, not noticing the sweat clustered in the hair line. It seemed like I just got out from taking shower.
I got up, waking my legs. They went to sleep in the night. I dragged to the bathroom, and stood in front of the mirror. I noticed another thing. My eyes were bloodshot, and weary. I barely recalled crying. Perhaps I have when I panicked from the screams.
I splashed some water and allowed the coolness relieve me. I had been through a tough time.
When I reached the door, I was again feeling that fright. Thinking that Ragenite was outside, I stepped back. I couldn't muster up the courage to move. What if she attacked me. Beat me up. I can't live like this. I wished I hadn't met her on the way. My worst mistake.
The whole time I stayed in. In among these same walls. There was nothing to look forward to. My last hope died. Now I can't escape Ragenite's scrutiny.
But why wouldn't she let me go. I am already sick of her emotional life. Doesn't mean if she doesn't have anyone in her life, so she will keep me prisoner for life. Living here sometimes suffocates me, like I can't breathe, like I will die.
Forcing me back here, proved that she had kidnapped me. She doesn't want me exposing her. Like how she strangles me, nearly taking my life.
Now every other day she is a threat to me. That sometimes I even doubt if she will keep me alive.
When I come out of the room, trembling and nervous, I check on the stairs for her, she was out of sight. I wished she was gone, not have to see her ever again.
Coming in contact with her this time was a jeopardy. What was the biggest possibility. Strangle me again.
I peeked down by the wall, warily taking each step. The more I submitted my steps farther, the cadance of heart beat increased. It wasn't until later I discovered that Ragenite was in her room, the light spilled out from the bottom of the door.
Relief crossed my heart. I handled each step carefully down the stairs, avoiding creaks and thumps. The ominous silence didn't content me. I knew there was worse awaiting in the distance. I could imagine myself passing by Ragenite's door, and she suddenly opens the door and hit me in the back that I would fall to the floor, hurting my face against the nail, jutting out of the boards.
I gripped my feet, as the thought crept into me. Stood leaning on the wall. Should be going? I asked myself not once but thousand times. Threat was a feet away. And if I attempted I would be shredded into pieces and there was no doubt that those claws of her would not strip my flesh off the bones.
I knew more about her then anyone else she ever encountered in her life. I learned from living with her. The biggest accident.
🍁
Until the afternoon, I stayed in my room. I wondered what was Ragenite doing? Didn't she want to ask why I tried to runaway? Didn't she think I betrayed her?
I scrambled out of the bed, and made it to the door. Whenever I slid my hand over the knob, a cold feeling trickled in, lifting my goosebumps. I swallowed what was in my throat.
All I hoped was a peaceful meeting.
But it was impossible.
I was shaking like the objects on the table under earthquake. Why can't I be strong? Wht can't I talk back to make myself less vulnerable?
The right feet dispositioned, giving power to the left one. Then my body moved too.
I knew I could handle this. It wasn't as hard as I had thought. I could prove it by going face to face with Ragenite. Showing I wasn't afraid of her. But I still was from inside.
The front door was opened little bit and I guessed Ragenite was outside. Working with the plants, perhaps. The chill of January had made the trees defenseless without the leaves, which aesthetically dressed the branches all season of spring. While this stayed on the top, the roots dealt with hardships and due to that Ragenite had copious mercy on her special plants. She gave soil shower every three days so the roots's don't worry about seeking water.
Ragenite herself wasn't a bad at nailing her reputation. She worked wisely to keep things in order.
I held on to the door, stealthily watching her. After all the breeze outside has commenced to sprint energetically and it maintained my perfect gaze on her.
The fear I carried with me, was slowly coming together in a knot. I was spared to breathe in the fresh atmosphere.