18th of November
That was our third anniversary.
I was so happy then.
A night when we were looking at the sky. Waiting for the stars. Feeling the cold air of a night.
All of a sudden, she held my hand.
And whispered..
“I‘m sick and dying.”
“I have heart disease.”
I thought it was a joke.
I'm pushing myself to believe that she is lying.
So I looked at her face.
And I saw tears falling from her eyes. Tears started to fall from my eyes as well. That was the first time I saw her cry.
Because she is a happy person.
Optimistic.
Friendly.
Everyone loves her.
I don't know what to say.
I am not mute but,
I can let the words out of my mouth.
All I remember was, I am really broken.
“Don‘t worry, even though I am physically absent. You'll still feel my presence. Thank you for giving me happiness for the last days of my life. Thanks for being the reason why I understand what love is. You're such a good person.”
And that was the last time I heard her voice.
She collapsed.
Passed away.
I'll never forget this woman.
The woman that I pictured to be the woman that I'll wait in front of the altar and will stay with me for the rest of my life.
She is gone.
But,
I know she's still with me wherever I go.
Not her ghost.
But her presence in my mind and in my heart.
Will stay there forever.
18th of November is her death Anniversary.
I will visit her
I will bring flowers
Like what I did when I was courting her.
I miss her so much.
-John Carlisle
