NOTE: I do not actually own Nintendo or Zelda, though I wish I did. Just remember that, because I do not enjoy being sued. Not today.
I do not own the cover picture either.
Also, anything else I reference or use or whatever, I do not own It. I think I referenced Crap Game Compilation at least once....
Also, Max has a Brooklyn accent. So Imagine that when you read. Thanks.
So yeah,
CHAPTER ONE
Long ago, in the land of Hyrule, in the middle of a forest in the middle of nowhere, there was a blonde-haired kid. His name was Max. All the other kids had fairies, because it was totally straight there for dudes to have fairies, but not Max. Max was horribly mistreated by the other boys, and his life really sucked. Until one day...
Max: Ohh, where am I? Jeez, is that a castle??
(Horse goes by, almost hits Max.)
Max: Hey!! I'm walkin' here!! Man, that lady on the horse was fine...
(Max turns around to find another horse, only this one has a creepy geen-skinned guy.)
Max: AGHHH! CRAPPY GRAPHICS!! IT HURTS!!!
Ganondorf:MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHTROLOLOLOLROTFLOL!!!!!!!!!
Max: AHHHHHHH!
(Max wakes up>)
Max: ahhh..... oh, what happened......whose tunic is that..?
(So he went to the Not-So-Great Deku Tree)
Max: Great Deku Tree! Great Deku Tree!!
Tree: OMF@ WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU WANT!?
Max: I had a nightmare, Great Deku Tree.
Tree: Well laa-dee-frikkin-daa.
Max: It was about a green-skinned guy...or was he black? I can't tell.
Tree: I suddenly give a care now because I'm racist!!
Max: Can you tell me a happeh story so I can sleep?
Tree: No, but I can send you off on a dangerous quest that will scar you forever and ruin your life!
Max: That's not what I said at all....
Tree: Sure it is!! The plot of the game demands it!! However, I am too lazy to get a sword and a shield for you, so go get one yourself.
(And so he does.)
Tree: Oh! I almost forgot! This is Navi! She should provide you useful information, but really, she will be the bane of your existence for now until you di- I mean, defeat the Green-Black Man.
Max: Gee, thanks, jerkface.
Tree: SHUT UP AND GET IN MAH BELLEH!!
Max: Okay..why??
Tree: Because there's a monster there that is eating me.
Max: So the all-powerful demi-god tree sends the eleven-year- old kid to kill the giant deadly monster? I'm not stupid, this is a death trap.
Tree: And nau...
Max: I'm in your belly? How?.....screw it, kill some monsters.
Navi:HEYHEYHEYHEYHEYEHEYHEYEHEYEHEYEHEYEYEHEYEHEYEHYEHEY WHAT"S GOING ON MAX?????
Max: Oh look. the Tree has a map and slingshot inside. How convinent............................. I can't fake it anymore that's complete bullcrap.
Navi: That slingshot is from the last kid the Deku Tree ate.
Max:0.0
Skippin to da boss fight.
Max: Hey look a spider.
Narrator: And then Max was bitten by a radiactive Gohma and became.......Gohma-Man!!.......Or he just lost a heart.
Max: My swotd is completely useless against this spider but my crappy slingshot that fires acorns is Super-Effective! Makes Perfect Sense!
Gohma: ARRRGH A ACORN NAU I AM DED. Blegh.
(Max violently rips out the Gohma's heart and eats it. Raw. and this game is rated E...)
TELEPORT!
Tree: Okee dokee your alive. But despite your efforts imma gonna die. Here's a rock go out of the forest and kill the six fingered- I mean green skinned man.
Max: But If i leave the forest I die!!!!
Tree: MAN THE STUFF UP!!
Max: 0-0
Tree:0.0
Max:0.0
Tree:0.0
Max.....you suck.
And so he leaves. But right before he does..
Saria: Hey Max!
Max: Hey! Your the only person who didn't make fun of me for not having fairy.
Saria: Yeah! Hey, since we've been friends since we were kids, and you might die when you walk through that log, I thought I should give you this.
(Gives Max a Trombone)
Max: Thanks!! I'm shure this will come in handy later in some quest.
Saria: If you dont die.
Max:0.0
Saria: Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, that no matter what, we'll always be friends.
Max: *Thinking: Oh My Garth I'm in the friend zone forever??? NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!)*
Max: THANKS.
End of part One.
