Some Scars Won't Heal (On Hold)

1: Freak

1: Freak

High school is the last chance of acting childish. Time for fun and partying with friends, or having slumber parties with study groups. The time to go to sporting events, play instruments in parades, go on foolish dates in hopes of having an awkward first kiss that everyone talks about. Well, except for the people that are dubbed the school's "freaks."

I, of course, am one of those lucky ones. You know, the girl that sits in the back of class that wishes to have the talents of a chameleon. The girl that nobody talks to or wants to be friends with. The girl that others mock and whisper about...that is, if they even notice her.

I've been the school freak at every school I've ever gone to. I don't have fancy expensive clothing. I don't wear makeup or do anything with my hair. In summary, I look like a homeless person most days. Even the teachers turn their noses up at me, especially when I start getting into trouble. They probably have a fricken party celebrating when I move away, which usually happens not very long after I start.

We move A LOT, so I don't really mind not making friends since there's not much point anyways. It would basically be "hello" and "goodbye" all within a couple months. Friends cause too many problems and emotions anyways, and I don't let anyone inside my inner very sturdy brick walls guarding any shred of feelings I have left in me.

Our newest "adventure" puts us in Minnesota. The land of 10,000 lakes, and where the state bird should really be mosquitos with how many times I've already been ate alive since we moved into our new house. Usually my mother chooses some gross tiny apartment in the city, but this time she picked a creepy house in some small rural town. Just how I wanted to spend part of my senior year...smelling like cow shit.

"Monica, are you going to stand there all day or are you going to finally finish unpacking? We still need to go school shopping before the end of the day," my mother stood in the doorway of my new room with her hands on her hips and eyebrows raised in a questioning look.

Shrugging my shoulders, I continued to sit on my bed barely looking up at her, "What's the point of unpacking when we will just be boxing everything back up in a month? Might as well just save myself some time and just live out of these boxes until the U-haul comes back."

"That's where you're wrong. This time we are sticking around. Paul is out of our lives now, and we have a chance to do right here."

"Yeah whatever, we'll see how long that lasts."

"Lose the attitude and get ready to leave. We'll just go to the store now. I'm not going to wait around for you to sit and do nothing," she snapped and walked away down the hall.

Rolling my eyes, I stood up and snatched my phone off from the nightstand. Swiping it open, I searched for my sister's name.

I wish you were here. Miss you--Monica

I pressed send and slid the phone into my purse before slipping the strap over my shoulder. Kendra probably wouldn't reply. She never does anymore, but that doesn't keep me from trying to reach out.

It wasn't the same without her, and to be honest, I was worried about her. We used to be inseparable, almost like twins only being a year apart in age. Now she's gone, and it's just our mom, Hazel, and me.

Shaking my head as if to make the thoughts disappear, I walked out of my room and down the hall. My mom was crouched down in the entryway buckling Hazel into her carseat.

"Would you mind carrying her out to the car for me? My back is sore from all the moving," she asked, glancing over her shoulder.

"Sure," I move passed her and grasp the handle of the carseat.

My mom opens the door and waits for me to get through before closing and locking it behind her. I don't know why she even locks it. That door looks like it could be knocked in just by a strong gust of wind, but I guess you get what you pay for.

"How much do you pay for rent here by the way?" I ask, suddenly curious.

"Oh honey, that's the surprise. I'm buying it," she looks at me as if she won the damn lottery.

My face is blank, "I think I might need a hearing aid. What did you say?"

"I said I'm buying it. My credit went through, and it's low enough payments a month that it's actually cheaper than renting. Besides, don't you think it's time for us to settle down somewhere?"

I open the back seat and latch Hazel's car seat into place, "Well, seeing as I'm seventeen now, don't you think you're a little late on that?"

"Monica Louise, I know you're going through a hard time right now, but you're not the only one and I will not stand here and be insulted by you. You have no idea how hard I have worked to try to give you girls a good life," she puts her hand on the passenger door, stopping me from opening it.

I glare into her eyes, "You call that a good life? You got to be kidding me!"

Her eyes begin to water, and for a moment I feel bad for snapping at her. She removes her hand from the door and moves to the other side of the car. I let out a sigh of frustration and get inside the passenger seat, pulling the seat belt into place.

My mom doesn't say anything. She just stares ahead as we drive down the road. We have to go two towns over for the nearest clothing center, so it was going to be a long ride of silence.

The minutes ticked by as I stared out of my window at the passing fields, trees, random clumps of cattle huddled together, some horses, and some scattered houses or farms. As we got closer to our destination, I began to see gas stations and restaurants, people riding bikes, parks, pawn shops, apartment complexes, and other random businesses. I wish it didn't take so long to get closer to actual civilization. I've never lived in a rural town before, so I wasn't sure how easily I'd adapt. Maybe I'd form into a whole new type of "freak" at my new school.

The car pulled into a parking lot and I looked up to see Walmart in front of me. Typical. At least it wasn't a thrift store or a dollar store this time. In reality, whatever I got here would probably be the most expensive clothing I own.

My mother got out of the car and went to grab a shopping cart to place Hazel's carseat inside. I looked down at that little face staring up at the world. She was only 6 months old, but she already had a curly mop of dark hair on her head. Her eyelashes were long, but not long enough to hide those big brown eyes that held so much fascination. The part that I couldn't help to stare at, though, was those chubby cheeks that would show off dimples whenever she smiled, and that tan skin that I could only dream of having. She was already a beauty, and it was hard to imagine that we were related.

It was a fairly quick trip in the store since we mainly just bought the supplies I needed besides a couple of new pieces of clothing that we argued over. I don't think my mom realizes that she had wasted money on a dress that I will never wear. Wearing a dress would draw unwanted awkward attention to myself. Plus, I think I looked ridiculous in it.

Maybe it was just her way of paying me back for not unpacking my normal clothes at home. She may have gotten her way this time, but just wait until she sees what I was going to wear for my first day of school. I silently chuckled to myself just thinking about it.