Enforced Equality

Waking Up

I used to be someone.
Someone named Camila Cabello.
When I woke up, this was the first thing I heard. But I am more than a name. More than what they are telling me. I can feel it in my soul. Like there's More. But I don't know what. And they told me stories. Many stories. And showed me many home movies. But those aren't me. Well not anymore.

Now I'm just like everyone else. And sometimes I feel like this is all just a dream. Like the things I can remember, have been blown away into thin air, and have completely disappeared
"Camila, come sit over here. You don't want to miss this." My mother pats the seat next to her. "Come." She says again.

I do.

I watch the monitor and see a younger version of myself, with what looks my younger sister Sofi. "You guys used to love playing outside at the playground," she says. I lift the corner of my mouth. Then the other: a smile. Because this is what she wants.

"I know Sofi misses this," she says. "You guys were so close before the accident."
"Yeah before the accident," I say. I watch the monitor. I've only just learned how to smile. And turning my attention back the the home movies. I watch my younger face. I do not know how to match my other expressions. I should.

"Lauren, come sit with us," she calls out toward the kitchen. "You're missing the best part."

Lauren.

I know she won't come. She doesn't like me. I don't know why. Her face is plain and expressionless to me as everyone else's. It is not her face. It is something else.

"I'm finishing up the dishes. I'll watch from the monitor in here," she calls back.

I stand. "I can leave Lauren," I offer.

"That's alright. I'll come sit with you guys once I'm finished," she calls back.

Lauren soon finishes up the dishes, and hesitantly sat down next to me. I steal a glance at her, and try to read her expression.

But it's the same as always.

Plain and expressionless.

I sighed and turned my attention back to monitor, trying to shake these begrudging feelings out of my mind.

***

The accident was over a year ago. I've been awake for three weeks. Over a year has vanished. I've gone from seventeen to eighteen. The government has passed a new law. Everyone looks the same. I slept through it all.

I cried when I awoke. I'm not sure why. I feel nothing. I don't remember the first day. Later I heard Lauren whisper to Mother in the living room that I frightened her. "She cries like an animal," she said.

Lauren hates me.

I bet she misses her real family. I don't blame her.

I know I wouldn't want to be stuck with some coma-crazed freak.

She always tries to avoid me, only talking to my mother or Sofi.

We've only had one conversation.

During the first week mom pored over the details of my life. My name. Favorite books. Family vacations. And every event she described, she would always ask, "Remember?" She knew I didn't.