Sorry I'm imperfect

The Note that Almost Killed Me.

"I'm sorry that I'm imperfect, I'm sorry that I was a burden to you all. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep anyone happy, I failed at keeping myself happy as well. I found myself falling into a deep black hole of emptiness I couldn't keep up with the change because I didn't like it, I felt that the words that I was called were true, that I'm a fuck up an I'm nothing and that I'm a worthless piece of shit. so this is my good bye, I'm sorry that I failed you."

I wrote this as I took 20 pills and started to drink a bottle of vodka, that was my dream of how I wanted to go out, that was my idea of a perfect suicide. An as I sat here blasting my favorite band Black Veil Brides, I started to pass out from the pills but I felt like it's not enough so I grabbed my razor an took it to my right wrist and sliced upwards. The blood comes pouring out of my arm and I felt a sickening urge to my stomach as I sat there slowing dying and I cried just a little bit. but right as I feel like I'm starting to fade away my friend Brianna comes storming in the room

Brianna-- "Chris!! No no no no, someone help!"

Christian-- "I'm sorry Bri.. Brianna.."

I took what I think is my last breath but then a couple hours later I wake up, but I'm not in my room. I'm in the hospital.

Doctor-- "Hey there buddy, you scared us, we thought we lost you there for a minute, your gonna be okay now. We got you back. An your friend Brianna is here an she wants to see you, do you want her to come back here?"

Christian-- "why did you bring me back to life?!? I didn't want to be alive that's why I took those pills and slit my wrist the way I did, but whatever fine I guess and yeah, sure let her come to the room."

the doctor stands there like he's in shock to hear what I said when I said I didn't want to live an that I wanted to die, and he looks like he saw a ghost because how pale his face got after I yelled at him. A few seconds later Brianna walks in and her make ups smeared and her eyeliners dripping down her face.

Brianna-- "Why..? just why Chris? that's all I ask, I'm happy that your alive but I'm sad that you tried to make me lose you. You're best friend chris and for god sakes I love you like a brother, you knew that if you needed anyone I was available. so why do that to me?"