FOOLS (Part 2 of 3)

♥︎

I am tired of this place, I hope people change

He sat down in his apartment, staring out the window at the fog looming around him. He remembered these days. They always seemed so gloomy when, in reality, they were the best kind of days– the real kind. He remembered back when he hated the fog, despised the rain, and wished that the dark sky would be bright and full of color. Now the lights are too bright and the colors make his heart ache. His heart aches because he knows that the color of the sky perfectly matched the color of his true love's eyes and he knows that he will never get him back.

I need time to replace what I gave away

"Sweetie, you need to move on. I'm sorry but there's no getting him back."
"I just need time, that's all. And I know he's never coming back but I just need to learn to love again."
"Alright honey, feel better. Your sister says hello."
"Bye mom."

And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small
Though I try to resist I still want it all

He sat down, his head in his hands. One year ago today. July 26th, 2015. The day he left. The day he ran out of his one true love's door because he couldn't handle him. He brushed his shaggy black hair out of his now dull green eyes. He just wanted him back. He wanted to see those bright blue eyes look at him like he was the only guy in the world that mattered. He wanted to hold his hand and have him show him off to his family. He wanted to be in love and be loved by someone. But it was no use. He would never come back but there was still a part of him telling him that he would love again.

I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes
I see a little house on the hill and children's names
I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray
But everything is shattering and it's my mistake

He laid down on his bed, barely conscious. Normally, he didn't get any sleep but his doctor has been prescribing insomnia medication to him. He only took it because it was the only way to see him again, and he was willing to do anything. His eyelids dropped as his vision became foggy. Darkness ascended over him as he fell asleep.

He saw him and his true love sitting on their deck on a summer day, the blue in his eyes matching the perfect sky. He saw their two children running around their backyard, having fun and laughing. He saw that beautiful smile, the spark in his eyes, the way that his Prince Charming always did. He saw him and his love sitting on the couch after their kids had gone to sleep, lying there quietly and peacefully. Then, it was all gone. All he could see was his true love, lying in a casket. All because he wouldn't stay. All because he refused to help him when he needed it. Because he was selfish. The "perfect" dream had shattered and turned into a nightmare that he couldn't wake himself up from.

Only fools fall for you, only fools
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall
Only fools fall for you, only fools
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall

He woke up sobbing, unable to breathe. He felt like a fool. Why did he do this? Why didn't he just stay with him? Now everything he wanted was gone and he was left with a would that would never heal.

Oh, our lives don't collide, I'm aware of this
The differences and impulses and your obsession with
The little things, you like stick, and I like aerosol
I don't give a fuck, I'm not giving up, I still want it all

He laid on the bed alone, the empty space bringing back memories of what used to be. He remembered how stereotypical their relationship seemed, he was kind of nerdy and quiet while the blue eyed boy was funny and outgoing. He remembered all of the little things about him. The way he only wore the spray-on cologne, the way he looked when he was tired, the times when they would just lie on the couch and watch crappy TV shows, not caring about anything but each other. He wanted it back. He wanted it all back, and there was nothing to stop him.