Pull Me Up (a destiel au fanfic)

chapter 18

I never ended up getting even a small taste of sleep that night. I just continued to watch the barren ceiling as though it might give me answers to the two prominent questions in my head. All night I'd heard strange shuffling noises and laughter, along with the occasional bump or fall from Charlie and Claire and I willed them to be quiet. My eyes burned from lack of sleep and watered consistently throughout the night. I had to resist the urge to wrap my arm around Cas when he nuzzled closer in his sleep, finding it extremely hard once I noticed that he was shirtless. 

Eventually, after the hours dragged on like days, he started to shift in his sleep, blinking wearily. I looked over to where he rubbed his face and yawned. He turned to see me and jumped. 

"Oh, wow, I don't remember coming over here last night," he laughed, then winced and raised a hand to his head. "Damn, my head is pounding."

I sat up, leaning against the wall behind the bed. "Yeah, that sounds about right," I sighed, trying to be careful with the subject in my sleep deprived state. "You were pretty drunk when you came over."

I could tell he was taken aback by my harsh tone, and he paled slightly but recovered quickly, just like always. "Yeah, a few buddies of mine from work decided to go out and get a drink or two, just to celebrate the holidays," he shrugged. 

I nodded at the plausibility of his story. Or what would have been plausible if he hadn't been whispering a certain someone's name in his sleep. "Oh, that must have been fun," I replied, playing along. 

"Yeah, it was," he laughed. "There was a secret Santa and I got this hideous Christmas sweater."

I nodded. "I saw."

His head tilted to the side and he shifted so he was sitting closer to me. "Dean, what's wrong? Are you mad at me?"

I sighed, finally turning to meet his gaze. "Well, honestly, I just wanted to ask you about what you were dreaming about last night," I unfolded my arms to rest my hands in my lap. 

His eyebrows furrowed in thought for a moment, then he shook his head. "I don't really remember what I dreamt about," he shrugged, chuckling. "Sorry... why?"

"No reason," I replied. My mind was reeling with possibilities and thoughts as to why he's lying and what's actually going on. I prayed silently that this whole thing was just a big misunderstanding and I was overreacting. "But in your sleep, you were just... saying some stuff."

"Oh?" he asked, moving so his legs were criss cross on the bed. 

"Yeah, you said 'Alex'," I finally stopped pretending like everything was okay and narrowed my eyes a little. "Care to elaborate?"

His eyes widened a little and he stuttered, "I-uh-we-" I just cocked my head to the side to hear his story. "I.... okay, Dean, listen-"

"Listen?" I asked, jumping to stand at the side of the bed. I had too much energy to sit there quietly while he came up with some shit explanation. "Listen to why my boyfriend is, for some reason, mumbling the name of a man I very much so dislike while sleeping in the same bad as me? Cas, there isn't an explanation out there that would make me feel better listening to that!"

He sighed, dragging his hands over his face. "In that week where you weren't talking to me, yes, fine, I started talking to Alex and James on a more regular basis," he said, looking defeated. "But I didn't want to tell you about it because I knew you didn't like him and it would just make you upset."

"Well yeah, Cas, it makes me upset!" I hated the fact that I was shouting and Cas was still sitting on the bed calmly. I always noticed it, and without fail it irritated the living fuck out of me. "Not only that you were with him; a well known homewrecker but also that you blatantly lied about it! Because do you know what it makes me think when you kept that secret about him to yourself? It makes it seem a lot like you're messing around with him!"