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The world is filled with people with their own flaws. Some learn from them, and it shapes them into a very powerful individual. Others, it destroys them, and they remain that way, permanently.
We've all confused and disturbed ourselves at one point in time. It's happened to me frequently. Unfortunately, it's caused me to feel as if my minds been infected with negative energy. So, I'm pretty much a virus. This negative, dark energy that I carry around me, is also contagious. What I have, can, and will destroy everything and anyone around me. My mood tends to flip itself around from time from time, so I guess that's a bit of what goes on in my head. But sometimes, I myself don't even know what happens in there. I'm not bragging either, because I hate it. I'm not like any of these other dweebs out here who think they're so "cool" and "edgy" because they act depressed, and the whole world just doesn't understand them. I'm far from it. I'm just still trying to find myself.
I've experienced a really cold summer recently. My mother passed away, and I'm sure you can paint a picture on the affect it had on me, easily. Hearing her tell me that she was going to be okay as she smiled at me while laying in her hospital bed, even though we both knew she wasn't going to make it hurt the most. I was already in tears before they even told me the news.
So currently, I'm living with my father out here in the beautiful city of Paris. Life out here isn't bad, but it isn't perfect either. I've ran into a lot of evil people that I'm trying to get my mind off of, but it's very difficult. My worst enemies were once my best friends, and a lot of broken promises ended up leaving me broken on the inside. I was another one that grew up with the Prince Eric's, Aladdin's, Eugene's and John Smith's. I would drool over them every time they would appear on my little TV screen. I couldn't wait to grow up, because I wanted a guy just like these guys. I grew up to meet the Edwards and Augustus Waters. It took me a long time until I finally realized a very important thing that all these guys have in common. They don't actually exist. I sat around waiting for my Eugene and ended up with a Hans. How dumb of me.
It's just that, my mind can't afford being alone. I like to have my own space and be by myself in my room, but being lonely isn't exactly fun. I don't want to come off as desperate, which is why instead of fighting for love, I just wait for it, but I'm really beginning to lose my patience. I doubt some perfect guy will just fly out of sky, I'm sure someone else will just come around and break my heart again and leave off with it. I'd rather not. The thing about the heart is that it's one of the few things that still works, even when it's broken. The issue is that it doesn't work as good as it did before. I don't even recall what having a heart feels like anymore. But hey, it what can we do? Our first love isn't always true, but it never leaves, now does it? You think about that person every now and then. Then, you'll get used to it. The same guy comes around and does the same thing as the last one. It ends up not hurting anymore, it just's gets tiring.
I've been in a very deep thought for the past hour, laying in my bed in the dark, as the wind from outside keeps hitting my door. Just as I turned over, ready to fall asleep, I heard a knock on my door.
"Sophie?"
It was my dad.
"Yes?"
My dad opened the door, with a very concerned look on his face. "You alright in here?" he asked.
"I could be better." I said.
"Anything you wanna' talk about?"
I let out a little sigh as I looked out the window. The sun was setting. "Not now."
"Oh," he said, a bit disappointed. "Well, dinner's ready."
"Oh okay. I'm not sure if I'm hungry though." I said. "Thanks, though."
He nodded his head, and turned around, shutting the door.
I laid back down, staring at the ceiling. Life gets better than this, right?
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Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Here's the first chapter of my new book. I worked on this all day, and wanted to make sure it was perfect. Thank you for supporting all of my work! This one will be very great, I have a lot of ideas. I'm not done with 1NV4D3R$ either so be on the look out for that and this one! Thank you! -K.T
