あなたに出会わなければ （If I Hadn't Met You)

あなたに出会わなければ

Itsumo yume no naka de wa anata wa waratteru

In my dreams, you've always been laughing

***

I can still recall the disgusting sweetness in my mouth and your laugh that resonates in my ears.

***

The brightly shining summer sun didn't stop him from doing his practice swings. Accompanied by the chirps of the birds, he danced with his bokuto till the sun slowly crawled away into the horizon. The glistening beads of sweat slowly crawled down his forehead to his cheek.

Damn it.

As if there was someone holding his feet down, he wasn't able to dance beautifully like he used to. As if someone was chaining his body down, he wasn't able soar high like he used to. Wiping the sweat away, he continued swinging his bokuto (wooden sword) trying to get the rhythm of his dance, but it was to no avail. The rhythm of his sword was broken.

"Tosshi...isn't that enough practice swings for one day?"

Ignoring the familiar voice he heard, he continued swinging his bokuto, still trying to compose the rhythm of his sword.

"Tosshi..."

"Just a little bit more kondo san."

"I have some dango with me and some mayonnaise too."

He let out a sigh as he put the bokuto away.

"Man it's really hard to find mayonnaise here. I have to go to the next village just to find it, you know. It's so far."

"Why did you bother going then?" he said as he sat down next to him

"Because I know you haven't had any for quite some time. "

"Kondo san, you really don't have to-"

"it's ok, this is the only thing I can do for now." The other male took out a box of cigarette out of the slit on his sleeve (of his yukata) and handed it to Hijikata. He let out a soft sigh before taking the box of cigarette from his hand.

"thank you."

"you know Tosshi, the dango obaachan here is really kind. She gave an extra dango. And her dango is so tasty, just like the one in Edo."

"there's only one though."

"Sougo and I had eaten ours."

Hijikata let out a soft hum as he took the dango from the plate, squirting a good amount of mayonnaise on it. It was an obvious lie and he could tell it right away. With their current status, it is hard to survive with the limited finance the shinsengumi have now. He knew it better than anyone else. But for Kondo to go all the way to another village just for a box of cigarette and a bottle of mayonnaise, he knew there was something bothering him. A bite was taken as he waits for Kondo's next words. But there were none, Kondo's gaze was fixed to the sky that was slowly turning orange before disappearing completely. There was only silence, a loud screaming silence between the two.

***

" I'm sorry."

"Kondo-san-"

"I am sorry that because of me, we have to get out of Edo. If only I hadn't gotten you involved...If only I had been the one who held all the blame like what i'm supposed to do, this thing wouldn't have happened to you. You would still be in Edo with -- "