The One

Help...

The memories... One bad one in particular comes to mind.

My dad shoves me against the wall and yanks my pants down, pushing into me with no warning whatsoever. He stays still after he enters me at first, then he starts moving. He's moaning and I'm crying. I want him to stop. He grabs my cock and strokes, then I scream. He hits me and yells at me to shut up, so I do, he then continues moving and stroking me until I come unwillingly. He comes after that.

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Getting up and walking outside- after cleaning myself up- with a pack of cigarettes, I light one and make sure nobody is around before I lift my shirt, pressing the cigarette to my stomach. It burns but it feels good, so good. I do it once more to the other side of my stomach then toss the cigarette. The door opens behind me, I fix my shirt before turning to look, I find Edge. Smiling, he says, "Hey, what are you doing out here? Everyone else is inside." I shrug , "I don't know. Just needed some fresh air, I guess." He walks over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder, "You okay, Lar'?", leaning against him, I shrug again. "You're a very good and handsome man, remember that", then he walks away.

I follow him in after taking a look at my burns to see how bad they really are. He sits on the couch next to Bono so that I have to sit next to Adam or on the floor, but if I do that then they'll know something is up. Don't want that to happen. I don't have to look at Adam to know that he's watching me as I sit down, I can feel his stare on me, then he's leaning into me and putting his head in the crook of my neck, I swallow hard and let him be, not wanting to make a scene.

Bono is all over Edge and I can feel the jealousy rising in me. He's got his arms around Edge's neck and he's pressing kisses onto Edge's face. It's never bugged me this much before, but I'm not sure I can contain myself. Just as I go to stand up, I feel Adam press his lips to my neck and I freeze. He repeatedly does this a couple of times before starting to suck on my neck. "A-Adam..." I whimper, but he doesn't stop what he's doing, even if he did hear me. I open my mouth to say something else, but before I can, I catch Edge's gaze across the room, and I know the look on my face must look so helpless and lost; boyish even.

The next thing I know, Edge is pushing Bono away and standing up, moving towards me. "Adam. If you would excuse me and Larry, but we need to go to our rooms." Adam looks up at him, a look on his face that is questioning and challenging all at once.

"I do believe that Larry wants to be with me for the rest of the night." He looks at me, "Isn't that right, love?"

Looking to Edge with a pleading look, then looking back to Adam, I shake my head. It makes Adam raise an eyebrow in question. I turn back to you, biting my lip, practically ready to beg you to take me out of this room. I would spill my heart out to you if I knew that you would listen. If you knew what I wanted to spill my heart out to you about. I would tell you that I love you, that I want you to wrap your arms around me when I sleep, pull me closer even though we're already as close as we can get.

"Hmph." Is the only response Edge and I get, but it's enough for him to pull me up away from Adam and escort me out the door- and to my surprise- to his hotel room.

As soon as Edge closes the door, he turns to look at me. He looks so calm and collected and here I am, standing in his room, ready to fall to my knees and be completely vulnerable to this man. He's the only man I would ever submit to, because I know he would take care of me.

He looks like he wants to say something to me, but he walks past me to the minibar. "Would you like something to drink, Larry?" I think a shake of my head was enough of a response for him, so he pours himself something to drink while I take a seat in front of the TV on the couch. I note that his room is dimly lit and very neat. There's no clothes strewn around the floor like you would see with Bono, there's no bottles left on the tables like you would see with Adam, his room and my room are basically the same, except the lighting.

Edge comes and sits next to me, but not to close, he's careful about space which is another thing I like about him. "Talk to me, Laurence." I swallow hard, noticing for the first time in the night that my mouth is very dry.

"There's so much I could tell you, Dave." I don't know what else to say, it'll probably all come out if you ask me again, everything about my father, about me, and about you. Please don't ask me again... please.

He shrugs, "Tell me what you've been thinking about, whats been on your mind lately. You seem awfully distracted a lot."

Oh god, it's all coming out now.

"Alright... If you insist. It's very sad." He just looks at me, waiting for me to continue. "When I.. When I was younger, after mum died my dad started doing... things to me. Almost every night. I was so happy to leave the house when I joined the band..." Here comes the hard part, "I found you so fascinating, you weren't like the others, you didn't want to go out and get drunk every single night, you were content with a book or your guitar and being alone. I envy you for being able to put up with so much shit, so much stuff that I couldn't put up with myself. You're like my complement... Everything you are... I'm not."

I take a deep breath in, looking anywhere but you because the last thing I want to do is see the look on your face. The look of pure disgust.

"Larry." One single word and I know I have to look at him, when I do, I immediately feel better for it. The look on his face is far from disgust, it's a look of love, hope, and desire. I know we shouldn't do this tonight. He won't remember it. He gets up from his chair, a smile playing over his face. "I love you, Lar." He stands in front of me, then he holds a hand out which I take. He pulls me up and kisses me, wrapping his arms around me like I've always wanted him to. Before I can fall too deep into the kiss, he pulls back to look at me, "I'm not drunk." As if he knew what was going through my mind, then he slowly moves me toward his bedroom.