I loved you with my elbows,
With my knees,
With my edges, my corners.
With the parts of me I could easily bend,
And then forcefully jab into your stomach or groin.
I loved you on the hairy edge of like,
In a limbo
Between forever,
And just until tomorrow morning.
I loved you in the safest way I knew how.
But you wouldn’t have it.
You wouldn’t stop until I really loved you.
Until I loved you with my chest,
With my palms,
With my stomach.
With the parts of me I clench or hide whenever I feel threatened.
You wouldn’t stop until I let down my defenses,
Until I told you about how
I dream about you more often than I don’t,
And how I save insignificant things,
And how I’ve given away far too many, “I love you”s in my life.
You wouldn’t stop
Until it was two am,
Until I was wearily fighting sleep on the phone with you
Until you were a 5 hour plane ride away,
Until I hid my face under the blanket, as if you were there, and told you I always thought you were perfect.
Until you went silent,
Until you told me you were so in love with me,
Until you told me you loved me more than anything.
Until I finally agreed.
You wouldn’t stop until this castle we built ourselves came crashing down,
Until the walls grew ivy and the rooms smelled stale,
Until I had to stop loving that perfect boy,
Until you became different, skewed.
Until I was just a stupid girl again,
Until I was left with nothing on my body that didn’t love you.
Until I was forced to move on.
Until you went silent one last time,
Until you became a perfect boy, drowning in a sea of lies.
