Ch. 1
Wednesday morning 11
am
“Sir I need your ticket.” “I‘m sorry.” I reply as I handed the train conductor my ticket. He checks it and says “Chicago ehh what you got over there.” “Its none of your business” I reply harshly. “sorry sir just trying to make conversation.” “I don’t give a fucking damn what you were trying to do just shut the fuck up and do your job I have times to meet.” I snap back at him instinctively. He stands there for a minute blinks then goes back to the conductors chair.
I sit all the way in the back were no one is sitting the light above the seat is out so its dark. Good that’s just the way I like it the less people notice me the better. There is only 5 people on the train but they are all in the front so I cant hear them. Good silence I need that for now. I sit down put my bag in the chair next to me and lean the chair as far back as it can go. I cant sleep so I plan my day its 11:30 we will be in Chicago by 2:30 that will give me about 4 hours till it gets dark I need to find a place to stay the night I need to find someone like me.
I wasn’t always like this. In fact a week ago I was in class waiting for Christmas break so I could be with my girlfriend and go to my moms in Holland. I used to be such a good kid. (well from what everyone knew about me) I was always busy and helping people I was even on mission trips. Now I have ran away to Chicago to start a new life for my self. I’m 17 six foot three inches dirty blond hair and stormy hazel eyes. I’m a little stocky at 200 lbs but I don’t let that stop me from doing anything. I have never met my dad I was close to meeting him before I left… I wish I would have at least seen him once but I didn’t want to hurt someone else as well. last Wednesday I found out that the army wont take me because of the countless scars over my body. I cant help but to know that if I never was with my last girlfriend most of them wouldn’t be there (at least the ones that have patterns) I also have a lot from fights. The reason for the scars is because she cheated on me and made me feel like a dumb ass for letting my guard down and trusting someone. I should have realized never to do that anymore it always ends the same. After all of this I couldn’t bear the emotional pain any more so I dug my knife so deep that its still a little raw that was six months ago. I should have just left here then I could have had a lot of money I gave her over $500 over 8 months. All I got now is $170 and $70 in Wal-Mart gift cards. Hope they got a Wal-Mart in Chicago. But with all that was going on I couldn’t handle it all any more after someone cheats you can never fully trust them again I was waiting for her to end it because I knew she would cheat again. So last night I got a one way ticket from Holland to Chicago. I was in Chicago once and I loved every minute of it and I don’t know anyone there so no one will be looking for me there they will never see me again I can promise that. No one will know who I am or who I was. I can be whatever I want and whoever I want. I have no rules no limit and no fear. I have never feared death I only feared losing the ones I thought I loved but now that I know the truth and there gone my heart is solid again my soul pure black ice and the best part not having to care about others. I do what I want for my self and no one else.
I ponder my decisions the rest of the way there and we finally come to a stop in an underground tunnel with other trains I know exactly were we are. I walk off the train the smell of the city hits me that’s one thing I could live without I like the smell of the woods but ill eventually get over it. I find the stairs instantly and the sun blinds my eyes my camouflage hat blocks some of it but I’m glad I got my shades with me I put them on and start walking to McDonalds. I remember the streets and know were to go but all the people here get in my way. I know not to talk to them most will try to get money out of you and the others will think that your trying to do the same. So I ignore everyone and walk into McDonalds. I realized I haven’t had any thing to eat in over 24 hours I set my stuff down and order a cheddar bacon and onion with a large coke grab a map off the table next to mine in the corner. I eat my food as I find the train that I took last time I remembered it was the brown train. I remember that the train I have chosen to put my faith in goes around the kind of people I like they are like me last time I rode it I had so many people try to sell me drugs and a few others wanted me to go to a party. As long as I can just find one person to invite me to a party I could crash there for the night and figure everything out in the morning. I can finally drink and smoke again who knows what ill do when I find a party all I know is I cant wait I love the fucked up life. But first things first I need a cigarette. So I step outside and I light up my cigarette its so cold out side the one thing I didn’t bring was my winter coat I wasn’t thinking that much when I left just grabbed the first things that came to mind witch wasn’t much just my laptop ipod a few pairs of cloths my knifes a water bottle and my cigarettes. I finally finish and head back in to grab my stuff and head out.
