Maybe I'm Better Off Dead.

one.

(This story is partly fiction, but most of it is real.)

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I woke up this morning and felt horribly dizzy, but as good as I know my parents they'd send me to work either.
So I didn't even try and just forced myself into my grey skinny jeans and daek blue hoodie. After being dressed I just fixed my hair a little with my hands and eventually left the house.
I know, no breakfast. But I never have time for something that unnecessary, sometimes even end up forgetting to eat for a week or two.

At work the kids were all excited because in just a few weeks is christmas and actually, that's what made me feel first that endless sadness, then the numb. Christmas was about love and being loved. I'm not. My life is like full of stress, fights, hatred and anxiety.

After 8 hours of work I finally got home, went out on the balcony and lighted up a cigarette. Yes, I know. Unhealthy. But are suicide attempts healthy? No? See?

Unfortunately, that's what happened.
I tried, but failed again.
They released me from hospital after almost two weeks and I was as numb as never before. Bored as I was being home alone, I opened YouTube and scrolled through my homepage.

New suggestions for me? Fine, I'll give it a try. Picking up my green 3D skull mug I started a video, that's called 'existential crisis'.
After taking a few sips of the hot black coffee, I paused and went to the channel of the uploader.
He seemed desperate, but confused aswell, so I texted him.

"Hey, +danisnotonfire.. I saw your video about your EC. Are you okay right now..? Do you wanna talk or something?"

Sent. Okay, I didn't really expect him to answer as he had like 5M subscribers but that's me.
I literally take care of people when I myself just got stabbed in the stomach or shot.
Yawning I stood up to take a pee and when coming back I had a new message. 'Who the fuck would text me? An eccentric, insane, transguy?' I heard myself say out loud as I opened it. My eyes widened looking at from whom the text was.
Dan Howell.

'Hey there!
Thank you for asking, you seem to be a very kind person and to answer your question.. honestly, my EC's gotten stronger the last few days and my thoughts are haunting me.
Also, I would love to talk..thank you.
Add me on skype!'

Underneath the answer to my comment was a link which I opened and it showed a facebook profile. I guess he didn't want to post his personal skype public, so I accepted that and added him there as a friend.
Soon after he accepted and a chat immediately poped up after.

Dan: hey there :)

Kon (me): helloo c:

Dan: If you have skype, open it and go look for 'monochrome.dan.91'

Kon: Okay, hang on

I opened skype and typed the name, added him in there aswell and got a video call just minute later.
It was Dan. I smiled. I SMILED. That was literally the first time in months my fave showed a slight smile.

We talked for hours, he made me smile so often, it was almost embarrassing.
Then I saw his piano in the background and almost freaked out.

"Oh my goodness, you play the piano!?"

"Yeah, wanna hear something?"

He chuckled pointing at his piano and smiling widely. I wildly nodded and then saw the camera got moved. Dan had put his laptop on top of the piano soI could still see him while playing and started to press the keys. High chords mixed with chords several octaves deeper, melodies mixing high pitched tones with deep ones. Loudly, then suddenly quiet, almost like it was fading but he didn't stop yet and closed his eyes, fully going into it and letting his emotions flow into the piece.
It was truly beautiful and it almost made me cry in joy. Almost. But a notification, that someone answered to a comment of mine interrupted me. I chose to take a look for it and read the comments.
No..please god, no.