My Saving Grace

Part 1.

Ricky.

I'm wasting away in a room, the only contact I get is when the guard takes me outdoors for fresh air which isn't often, and when my doctor comes in. He always comes in, wanting something, I can't fight it anymore. I haven't been able to for a long time. Every day, he comes in and makes me do things... Awful things, it's not bad enough they sent me to this damn place and called me crazy. I'm not crazy, I'm not.

I lost track of the time, they give me pills that keeps me numb, inattentive, unaware of what's going on. Normally. Other times they give me a shot when I get too loud, it calms my body but they don't know that because I can't speak and I can't move that there's actually a mind beneath it all. Always aware. I've had several chances to kill my doctor, I just knew if I took it then I would never get out, I had attacked before, that's why they won't let me out. I'm a danger to myself and a danger to society. So they say. It's been long over two years that I was sent to this god awful place, it was a mistake that I regret most. Attempted suicide, I was drunk, I didn't have anyone and I was lost. Now, I'm lost but I have no way out. It's eating at me slowly. I don't know, maybe I am insane. Maybe I belong here, maybe I'm a danger to society.

"Olson, out of bed" I heard the guard call out from the door. My cell wasn't very big, it was padded so I couldn't bash my own head into the wall. I'm lucky the days they don't put me in a straight jacket, when my mom visits they do, when I'm around the others they do. So when I went to the door, I went fully prepared to be put in the jacket. I wasn't sure who was visiting me, maybe my mom decided to come visit me early. Maybe.

I walked to the door, they wouldn't even allow me to have shoes. I was always cold, too many things I could kill myself with but if I was going to, I'd easily be able to take my clothes off and strangle myself with them. Maybe I should be doing their job, I definitely have the time to think it through unlike them.

The guard was less than gentle with me, I have several bruises and even scars from this place. The beatings I would get from the guard when he'd get angry when I would stick up for the other patients, he would beat me. My doctor would give me unauthorized drugs so I would remain docile so he could fuck me as he pleased. I got used to the pain, it was comforting to be able to feel something at night while I withered away in my cell. I'd occasionally pick at my wounds to feel it, press on my bruises just to have some form of feeling.

We walked down the hall, I still don't know who I'm visiting. Rather who's visiting me. My arms were bound as usual, there were new faces. It was odd for me to get visitors on a Friday. They sat me down at one of the tables, my head was spinning from the drugs they had me on, I was aware of what was happening... I think, it could be drug induced dream. A man approached the table, sort of tall, lengthy brown hair and a good body, not particularly buff or fat but a full body. He looked at me for a couple of minutes in dead silence. Then again, seconds felt like hours to me. I didn't speak, I rarely spoke anymore.

"So you're Ricky?" The man asked, his voice was smooth and quiet. I enjoyed the quiet, his voice was oddly comforting it was probably since it as new to me. He fingernails tapped against the table and my eyes flicked down out of annoyance, I think he noticed since he stopped. It was pretty silent until he got the grasp that I wasn't going to be speaking. Then, he spoke again. "I know your mother, she's... Fine, but as I'm sure you know she's been seeing someone, he asked her to marry him and she said yes. She's moving, she can't afford to transfer you to another facility where she's moving. Now, you don't know me at all, I don't know you. She's put me in charge of you, she told me to tell you that she's sorry" he continued on but I zoned out, mind wandered like it did a lot of the time. I could feel my heart sinking when I thought about it, my mom was my only way out. She knew that I couldn't get out on my own and this guy didn't know my situation at all. "—which is why I think I'm going to take you out of here, at my own risk to see if you really are a danger to society" he finished.

I only caught that last part but my eyes went wide, my heart was pounding in my chest and I actually nearly spoke, I'm not even sure what I sound like a anymore. I was sure this was a drug induced dream but it felt pretty real.

"So it looks like you're coming home with me for a while, Ricky. My name is Ryan, by the way" he spoke. Could this really be how I get out of this place? The drugs, the beating, the countless times I've been fucked by my doctors? Could this man, Ryan, be my saving grace?