11:59 pm

When it was Christmas...

A slight pain was appearing in the area where her heart rested.

It hadn't hurt for a year now, it didn't made her reminisce about the beautiful, unreachable past anymore more, just to make her hurt and break again over the things she can't have anymore, but it was doing it now. Her heart was alive once again, it was throbbing once again, it was breaking once again.

I don't know why I feel the need to tell you this, suddenly. You already know much of it. But I need to tell this from my point of view. I need, no, I want you to know how I felt..., feel. Before it's too late.

I was convinced I had forgotten you. I was convinced I had moved on. But in reality, I am still stuck on you,. This, this, whatever this is, is the prove of that.

I loved you. You know that,

Her hand which held the paper with ragged edges was shaking, uncontrollably. She knew, she knew he did. She loved him too.

But I loved you before you ever knew. Before I ever knew.

Why I was suddenly looking for flaming red hair in the crowd, or a bright knitted scarf flying in the wind, or a high pitched laugh that would made my insides twist with happiness, I didn't know. It was as if I was moth, drawn to the light because it was in his nature.

There wasn't anything wrong with me. You wouldn't believe me now, I know that. You didn't before. But you should have seen it. I was a moth, I could only be drawn to the light, never the flower, or the grass. Everyone thought there was something wrong with me. Even my parents did, but they didn't understand that in the midst of birds, there was me.

I was drawn to you because you were the light, my light,

Tears were now making their way down her red cheeks. She took deep ragged breath, unable to continue. A small opened box, which previously held the letter, was lying near her legging-clad knee, under the lights of the huge Christmas tree her daddy had bought this year.

She needed to continue. Wiping her tears, and runny nose, she blinked several times to clear her vision.

I wanted to say a proper goodbye in case-

"Lily! Cocoa! Wake up! It's Christmas!"

Lily Everdeen set up instantly from the terrible dream she was having.

"Good you're up. There's lots of presents down there for you. Mom says if you don't wake up, I can have them."

Ella, Lily's 5 year old sister, had brilliant smile on her face and glimmer of childish hope in her eyes, as she broke the news to her sister. She was jumping up and down non-stop on the foot of Lily's bed, and talking without wasting a breath.

When Lily nodded, looking down and blinking rapidly to clear her eyes, she didn't notice. She just smiled, and hopped of the bed, running downstairs, while holding her elf hat with a small chubby hand.

"Mom she's coming!"

Here, Lily wiped the tears filled in the corners of her eyes. She had actually been crying, it wasn't just in the dream. And Lily didn't felt one bit good about it, because it had been too real, too lucid, and she could almost feel the weight of the note in her left hand, as she got off the bed.

Later, she found a paper cut on the index finger of her left hand, which she was sure she didn't have before.

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