Imperfections

Chapter 1

My reflection in the mirror was not distorted as I so hoped it was sometimes. This was me. I am fat. I am ugly. I am stupid. I am worthless. I am useless. I am not perfect. I am a dumb blonde. I am everything that nobody wants to be. I am Cressida Quinn. My life is pointless. It is just not worth living.

I thought to myself while scrutinizing my reflection in the mirror. I wondered to myself how could one person have so many imperfections? I guess I will never now what it's like to love yourself or even be happy with the way you look. I looked hard into that mirror until I could look no more.

I turned away tears cascading down my face. In anger I clenched my hand into a fist. My fist met the wall. It was painful. It was a harrowing pain. Yet, it was satisfying. I felt as if I deserved it. So I repeatedly began to punch my brick wall. Over and over again.

My hand turning black and purple. It began to swell up like a balloon. My knuckles were crushed. I could barely move my hand but yet it felt good. It was a satisfying pain. I deserved it. I punched that wall until I no longer could.

Looking at the time on my clock which read 4 am and I collapsed back onto my bed. Broken. I was broken. I lay in my bed crying to myself. I carefully traced the new bruises, marks and cuts on my hand with my left index finger. Punching was better than my old coping mechanism of lines which secreted red liquid.

My hand was still in a weird satisfying kind of agony. I would somehow have to write with this at school tomorrow. Oh well I guess i'll manage like I do with everything else.

It was now 5 am. I hadn't slept and I probably wasn't going to like most nights. I was still crying to myself dreaming and wishing of a better future. Right now it seemed as if I was in the middle of a never ending cycle. A cycle were no sane human would want to be in.

Still I had to pass the time so I grabbed my gold iPhone and began to scroll through my Tumblr till my alarm went off. It was full of quotes that I felt I could relate too. I lay there scrolling through pages and pages of quotes and images.