Hating You Sweetly

21. Losing the Fight

Sorry for the late update. Hope you can forgive me. God Bless You All.

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Chris POV 

It was nearing Christmas Eve yet it didn't feel anything like a holiday. Usually I would wake up to the smell of grandma's special cinnamon rolls in the air but not this year. Everything was too screwed up. 

I was laying in bed staring blankly at the ceiling when Clark came in.  He casually sat in the computer chair. 

"Hey."

I sighed. "Hey man.  Look I'm sorry for yesterday." I felt like I ruined dinner. 

"It's cool Chris. Everyone has the right to blow up every once in a while."

"Yeah but I know better." I shouldn't have yelled at my sister like that. 

Clark sat up straight. "Dude it's hard for all of us. I also understand it's effecting you more deeply than the rest of us. I can't even image what you're going through right now."

I didn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. My head was so screwed up, I couldn't get anything right. 

"Yeah all the same. I'm sorry."

Clark smiled. "You should probably apologize to your sister."

"I know." I was planning to anyway. 

Somehow we ended up playing Xbox. It was a good distraction and the best part was I was beating him. Clark was a sour loser too so he didn't take it well. 

"This game is lame."

It was typical for the loser to always say that.

"Alright we can stop playing." 

Clark's phone started to go off. It was the cheesy theme song to batman. 

"Hey what's up?"

I sat back in my bed and listened. 

"What, now?"

Clark turned to me with a horrorstruck look on his face. That's when I knew it. I knew it was coming but yet I still felt unprepared. My stomach felt like it was knots. The knots were squeezing together so tight that it was getting harder and harder to breathe. 

"Okay. We're on our way."

He shut his phone and I was already up and ready to go. I didn't want to waste time. We didn't have any to lose. 

Clark drove as fast as he could in his Volvo but it was no use. By the time we got there granddad was already claimed dead. My family was all crowded about his room. I just stood there emotionless as everyone shed their tears for him. I wanted to cry, I did. There was this hot boiling sensation building inside of me, getting ready to slip out but I couldn't. I couldn't find a way to let it out. 

I wasn't a crier. It was strange but I always found other ways to get all my emotions out. I couldn't think of a way this time. I just stood at the back wall staring blankly at my grieving family. 

I wish I felt nothing. I wanted to be numb. But I knew whatever I did wouldn't last. It never did. I wasn't paying attention to who was walking through the door but once I heard that voice I knew it was Laura. 

My eyes flew up to see her. She was holding on and comforting my crying sister. I needed her too. It was so easy for her comfort to calm me down. I found it crazy how I depended on her for most of my unstable situations. It was unhealthy and I knew it. I couldn't always use her.