We can't be (Niall Horan fanfiction boyxboy)

part 2 ~ The night.

Niall's P.O.V.

I'm sitting with Zayn in the couch in Matt's appartement. We're waiting for Matt ro return with the mattresses. I need to say that Matt is goddamn gorgeos! He has those beautiful ocean blue eyes, with the perfect styled hair, a pretty smile and the perfect kissable lips. Wait! Don't think this Niall, you're hetero! You like girls , not boys! You can't think this, management would fire you. You would be thrown out of One Direction.

And with that thought my smile turned into a frown. "What happend to you?" Zayn asks, looking at me curious. "You smiled the whole time since we met Matt and now you're frowning." He walks to me and looks me in the eye, wanting to know the anwser. I shrug and turn around, crossed-leg facing the couch, while fiddling with my fingers.

"It's nothing, seriously." I say and hear footsteps walking in the room. I turn around and see Matt standing in the doorway with two mattresses under his arms.

"What is nothing?" He asks and I walk to him grabbing a mattress from him. I copy Matt, throwing the mattress on the ground.

"N-Nothing." I say and sit back on the couch. My feet suddenly getting really intresting.

"Well if there's nothing, you can help me making popcorn and hot chocolate." He says to me and I nod. "Zayn, right?" He asks as he turns to Zayn, Zayn nods. "Can you pick out a movie. All my movies are in there." He says and points at a big wooden closet. Matt grabs my hand and drags me towards the kitchen. He grabs all the suff he needs. While I watch him thoughts flow through my head.

He so sexy.

You can't think that Niall.

But it's true.

NO.

But see his oh so kissable lips.

No Niall, don't think that.

And those biceps, they're so sexy.

Stop it!

See his neck, I want to make hickeys

on them.

Just stop before he knows.

I want him.

"Are you ok?" I hear Matt ask and I snap out of my thoughts. My cheecks are a red when I look at him.

"Y-Yeah." I stutter and look him in the eyes. He stares at me and I stare at him.

"So who are you?" He asks, again rescuing me from an almost kiss-attack.

"What do you mean? You already know me." I say. I know what he means, but I don't him to go for my money. Not that he will ever go for me.

"When we were in the musicshop of Jade, I saw a big poster of you, Zayn and 3 other guys. I mentally facepalmed myself for not seeing that.

"Yeah, about that, err... we're One Direction and we're like the biggest boyband right now." I say and walk to the counter. I grab the popcorn and put it in the microwave. I don't want to look at him now. I don't want to see his face now he found out. So I really didn't expected this respone.

"Cool." He says relaxed. In the corner of my eye I see him walking to a cabin, grabbing the cocoa.

"Y-you're fine with it?" I ask turning around, facing him again.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I? It's not like you're really different now and it makes much more sense now. Like why you and Zayn ran away for "something", it were the screaming fans finding you and why Zayn and you wanted to hide somewhere." He says and shrugs. My eyes almost pop out of my head, he says it like he's one of us or a fan, but he's neither of them.

"How can you understand this? You're not one of us or a fan." I say and turn around to grab the popcorn out of the microwave.

"I'm a fan, but of Justin Bieber." He says and we were both quiet for a moment and my thoughts go crazy again.

He's fucking perfect, he's also a Belieber!

Shut up Niall, stop thinking.

I seriously want to jump him right now!

No, no, no! You can't and you won't. Never.

I will get him, sometime.

Yeah, when you are kicked out of the band.

I just fucking want him!

You're not gay and you never will be!

I might be gay for him.

You know him for just a few hours!

So?

Don't think about it Niall.

I can't stop thinking about him, he's perfect.

I snap out of my thoughts again, because Matt snaps his fingers almost in my nose. "What?" I ask a bit harsh.

"Calm your tits." Matt says and put his hands in front of him in devence. I mutter a sorry and we walk back to the livingroom. Zayn picked out a movie, the Grunge.

"Fuck Zayn, why did you pick this movie?" I ask annoyed. Zayn knows I'm afraid of horror movies, he the most of the lads. We once had a sleepover, just him and I. We watched a film with zombies and I screamed! Zayn held me thight that night and we even slept in the same bed. I sit down on the couch and grab the popcorn. Matt sits on my left and Zayn sits on the ground, like a little child watching Dora.

~~~~~

It's on the end of the movie and I'm crying pretty hard. Matt holds me thight and Zayn is still watching the last part of the film. I'm sitting in Matt's lap and he's humming a song softly in my ear. I recognize it as Boyfriend from Justin Bieber. It sends shivers down my spine. I almost stop crying, but snuggle some more in Matt so he won't let go. "Shhh, it's ok. I got ya." Matt says and rocks me a bit.

"T-Thanks Matt. For being here for Zayn and I." I say and it stays quiet for some time, except for some screams from the movie. After a while I feel wet droplets of tears (?) on my face. I look up and see that Matt's crying. "Matt, what's wrong?" I ask and he just shakes his head, gripping me thighter but then looses his grip and let's me go. He stands up and runs upstairs, I hear a door slam shut and the same door lock. "What was that?" I ask and turn to Zayn, but he's fast asleep on the floor.

~~~~~~

Matt's P.O.V.

It felt so right holding Niall in my arms, but when he thanked me for being here for him and Zayn I lost it. He also said it and he never meaned it. I run to my bathroom. I slam the door shut and lock it. I grab the razorblade from the cabinet and push it against my skin that's already covered in scars. I push harder until I see blood and slice a cut from 4 centimetres. I pull the razorblade away and push it again on my skin, but on an other spot and I go on like that for a while until there are like 5 freshly new cuts. 2 on my right arm, 1 one my left and 3 on my belly. I grab a towel and wet it to clean the cuts and put bandage around it. I open the door and walk downstairs to see an sleeping Zayn and a worried and sleepy Niall. "Niall what's wrong? Go to sleep." I say and walk to him. He looks up and lies down on the couch. His sleepy eyes want to close, but they stay open looking into my blue eyes.

"Matt why did you run away?" Niall asks and yawns. I don't know what to say, so I just lay beside him and put a blanket -I brought with me- around us. "Matt, why?" Niall says, while closing his eyes.

"For personal reasons Niall." I say. Niall scoots closer to me, to tired to know what he's doing. He presses his body in mine and I winc from the presure Niall gives on my new cuts on my belly. But I also feel a shiver as Niall's arms slung around my waist. I smile and let sleep take over me.

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Hey people who read this! You are only my friends, but whatever!

vote/comment/fan!

LotsOfLove <3

~Judith