It's easier for you to let me go -kellic oneshot

Its easier for you to let me go

Unedited and written at 2 am so there's most likely bad grammar and spelling errors

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I have always woken up like this. At this point I was use to it, But I didn't want to be use to it. I have never known what I was feeling, or if it even was a describable feeling. I just knew that I felt it. It happened everyday for almost 4 years, this unexplainable feeling ruined me. It didn't just happen at night, but it happened during the day, when I was hanging out with friends, when I was with my boyfriend. No matter how happy I was in the moment, this feeling just followed me around.

I don't know how to explain it, which is why I can't get help. How was someone suppose to help me when even I, didn't know what I was feeling? This horrible feeling was staying in bed at 6 am instead of getting ready for school or it was staying in bed for hours making myself late to school. It was being awake at 3 am harming myself because I didn't know what other way to cope with my feelings. It was poking at my food because even the slightest bit of flavor in my mouth would make me vomit. It was looking off into space and thinking how the world would be like if I wasn't alive. Quite a negative thought, I know, but I couldn't help it. These thoughts and emotions just happened and I couldn't stop them. 

Feeling genuinely happy was such a foreign feeling now. I mean, there are times where I felt happy but, that other feeling just followed me. I knew this couldn't be depression because, it felt more worse than that. I felt like I was living in my own personal hell, it felt like I was just a ghost walking on earth, it felt like I wasn't existing, it felt like I wasn't living. 

Maybe I was over exaggerating, at least that's what my parents always told me. I had to just believe it myself. I knew that they didn't want to spend money on getting me help because what if there is nothing wrong with me and it was just a phase?

Maybe I was over exaggerating...

Maybe...

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"Late to school again Mr. Quinn?"

I just nodded at my teacher and made my way to my desk where my friends desks were. The first day of school we got to choose our own seats and we decided to stick together. Luckily my boyfriend sat next to me.

"Dude the school is almost over, why didn't you just stay home if you're so sick?" My friend Gabe asked me.

I just yawned in response.

Every time I felt like getting out of bed was too hard of a task I always told them I was sick so they wouldn't worry. Obviously Vic knew better, he knew that I was sad, really sad.

"Babe you should have just stayed home if it was too much for you." He whispered to me sympathetically.

"I know, I just need to try and get better." I said forcing a smile.

It hurt so much to smile. Even smiling was too hard for me. Why?

"Well then I'm proud of you babe." He smiled at me.

I just nodded and put my head down. The amount of light that was entering the classroom hurt my eyes and gave me headaches. I knew it was because I hardly ever left my bed, let alone get out of the house.

Before I dozed off, I heard my friend Jack talking to Vic.

"Vic I know that what ever's going on with kellin is hurting you too."

"I know but, I can't abandon him. I love him too much to let him go."

"Love isn't suppose to hurt." Jack said before I heard some shifting and the only sound that filled the room was the teachers voice.