Teach Me How to Love Again (Sequel to Dirty Little Secret)

Chapter 55: Tell Me Why We Live Like This

*~(The title of this chapter is from We Are Broken by Paramore.)~*

"Can you please give me a second chance?" he asked.

"This is like your hundredth 'second chance' already! You're only gonna fuck it up again! I know that now!" I yelled.

"Please, I'll do better this time," he pleaded.

"I just... I don't believe you."

"P-Please, Sky," he begged.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Gerard. I just can't."

He nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry about everything."

"Why are we doing this? Why are we stuck in this constant loop? Why are we even trying anymore? Why the fuck do we live like this?"

"We live like this because I love you. I'm not just going to let you go like this. I'm going to fight for you."

"We can't keep living like this, Gerard. It's not good for either of us. We're tearing each other apart. Don't you see that?"

"I don't care if it kills me. I'm not going to give up on us like this."

"Yeah fucking right! You're the one who gave up on us in the first place! I'm sick of being fucking left behind! I wanted us to last forever, but I was naive. I can't be naive anymore. Whether or not I was a fling gone wrong, I'll never know, but now's your chance to get away, so just go. Go get a wife your own age. Maybe go get Eliza, since you only wanted her the whole time anyway," I said, referring to the phone call I had gotten from Eliza.

"Maybe I will, at least she won't be so fucking stubborn and irritating," he muttered under his breath. I don't know if I was supposed to hear it, but I did, and I felt tears brim in my eyes.

"Then get the fuck out of my apartment."

"But-"

"Go."

"Sky, I didn't mean-"

"I said fucking go!"

He nodded in understanding again and stood up to leave. "I'm sorry, Sky. I really do love you. I want you to remember that when our child is born," he whispered before he left.

I started bawling now. Why do we live like this? Why do we live in this constant loop? Why do we keep breaking up, then fighting about it, then getting back together, just to start the cycle again? It's too much for me. I don't want to live like this anymore.

And I'm not going to live like this anymore. I'm done with Gerard.