Make Me Better

Chapter 8

I woke up on the cold bathroom floor, I rubbed my eyes and yawned. Once I sat up I groaned stretching and the. Began to push myself up off the floor. A gentle knock was placed on the bathroom door, I yawned again going to the sink and turning the water on. "Are you ok?" Asked Cat. I splashed cold water on my face, wiping my hands on my shirt and sighed. "Your not the only who uses the bathroom " she stated. I groaned turning to unlock the door to see her standing there smirking and I rolled my eyes. "Did you smoke?" She asked, frowning. "Why do you care?" I retorted. Cat sighed, "One reason is because you've never smoked before and two, you smell like stale cigarettes". "Problem?" I groaned, glaring at her. "Besides you acting like a rebelling teenager? Nope" she retorted, shrugging. I nudged pass her going to the livingroom and flopping down on the couch. "Whatever" I uttered, taking my shoes off. "Don't do this to yourself, please. Don't let this bring you down the wrong path in your life" advised Cat with sad eyes. "It's my life, Cat. I can do what I want" I countered, rolling my eyes. I wasn't sure why I was pushing back from her but that I just felt that I should; That I needed to for whatever reason. It was painful to push her away the way I did and hide behind the false identity I built. "It is your life...but don't destroy it. This life use to belong to someone I knew" She replied, walking into my bedroom. Those words stung a little coming from her, I knew I was hurting her and possibly breaking her heart. I just had to push away, run away and hide from everything. I thought I could control it, I thought I could hold myself together but day after day I seem to break down more. I leaned by resting my head on the back of the couch and sighed, "Get it together, Anaya". Cat came back a few minutes later sitting on the couch next to me and rested her hand on mine,"I gotta be patient with you...I know you have a lot weighing on you". I lifted my head looking at her feeling tears burn my eyes as I turned my hand over to lock our fingers together and exhaled. "I'm sorry...it's hard seeing you like this. Breaking...day by day it seems like your losing a part of you more and more" She affirmed. I could see the tears well up in her eyes, she pulled me into a hug and I cried on her shoulder. I knew I was losing myself, I could feel pieces of me drifting away from each other and fading. 'Get it together, Anaya'. I sat there wrapped in Cat's embrace for a moment, just sinking into it and leaning on her. Finally, we broke our embrace as she met my gaze and we looked into each other's eyes. "I have to work tonight so just...take care of yourself till I get back" added Cat. I nodded, she got up going back into the room, I could hear the TV come on as I got off the couch and went into the room with her. I climbed in the bed, crawling close to her and drapped my arm over her. Cat huffed a soft laugh, she placed her hand on my head and played in my hair. I must have dosed off, I woke up and Cat was gone. The house was completely silence, I sighed and sat up in bed. I got out of bed to walk out the room and picked my purse up off the floor. I dug inside the bag looking for my phone, finding it and pulled it out. I pulled up Krystal's number and pressed call. The call began to ring through, I heard a brief pause, "Krystal, I want you to come over". 'What's wrong, Nya?' She asked, sounding groggy. "Come, please...and bring something to smoke" I replied. 'Something to smoke? Nya, you ok? What you mean?' Questioned Krystal. "I know you and Cat still smoke weed...she comes home smelling like weed alot. So come on...please, Krys" I alleged. I could hear Krystal smack her lips over the phone, I could hear the rustling of her bedspread and she sighed. 'Fine, here I come...ugh, I'm on the way' she groaned. I hung up the phone as I walked back into my room and laid across the bed. I laid across the bed watching, ' We Bare Bears' play on Cartoon network and yawned. I must've dosed off again, the familiar alarming barking woke me up making me hop out of bed and go to the front door. I opened the door to see Krystal wearing bleached blue jeans hanging off her waist a little and a grey short sleeve shirt hanging off her shoulders. "Ana, what's wrong g with you? It's like 9 o'clock" whined Krystal, stretching. "I just...I need a getaway" I muttered. She looked at me with concerned eyes as she dug into her pocket and pulled out a little sack of weed, "I get ya, kiddo". "I-I don't know...how to roll or whatever" I murmured, feeling stupid for asking for something I didn't really understand. "Supply and roll" laughed Krystal, pulling out two pack of cigarillos. Krystal sat on the couch, she poured the weed on the coffee table breaking it down and then took out her cigarillos. I went into the kitchen, going in the pantry and getting a bag of popcorn. I took the plastic off, unfolding the bag and putting it in the microwave. I waited til the microwave beeped signaling that the popcorn was read, I took it out and went back in the livingroom. Krystal put the blunt between her lips, she looked up at me and nodded. "Put Bear in the room or bathroom" she stated. I nodded, "Come baby". Bear ran to me, I waved him into the bathroom and closed the door. Krystal took a lighter out of her pocket bringing it up to the blunt and lit it. She took a long drag from the blunt, swallowing and exhaled smoothly. "Come on, kid" said Krystal, waving me over. I walked to her, sitting on the couch next to her and sighed. "Nervous?" She asked, taking another long hit. "I've never done this before" I agreed, nodding. "Yeah...Me and Cat always were the 'bad' ones" commented Krystal, smirking. She passed the blunt to me, I took the blunt putting it between my lips and inhaled. I tried to swallow like Krystal did earlier but it choked me, I attempted to exhale but started to cough. Krystal patted on my back, she giggled and rubbed my back, "Take it slow, Nya...first time". I cleared my throat, putting the blunt between my lips and took a drag slowly. I could feel the smoke fill my lungs, I exhaled gently feeling a nice calm settle over me and closed my eyes. "Hit it one more time" she stated. I took another drag this time long and inhaled deeply; I swallowed slowly taking the smoke in fully before I exhaled. We did this repeatedly, she lit it to pass to me and I hit it just to pass back to her; We smoke 3 blunts. I felt tired and weightless, "I wish everything could just stop". "What you mean?" Asked Krystal, slouching. "The way I felt" I answered, feeling a sadness overwhelm me. "It takes patience, Nya. Not just from Cat but you too...we all gotta be patient" she replied, shrugging, "Healing takes times". "I wish there was a way to escape, ya know" I muttered. "Ain't no such thing as escape...reality always gone be there to put you on your ass. No running" countered Krystal, rubbing her eyes. I looked at Krystal sighing and shook my head, " I'm falling apart, Krys...I can't stop it and I don't know how". Krystal put her hands behind her head, I crossed my arms across my chest and sat back. "Your gonna break...your gonna fall apart but it's not about how you fall apart or how you break but how you pull together" advised Krystal, " I gotta go before Cat get back and make my ears bleed for getting you high". Krystal got off the couch, yawning and turned to me as I was getting up. She pulled me into a hug, kissing my cheek and patted my back, "Sometimes we can't pick ourselves up alone". Krystal left, I locked the door behind her the. Went to the bathroom to let Bear out and walked to my room. I flopped back in the bed staring at the roof feeling my eyes get heavy, I could feel Bear hop in the bed and cuddle with me. I closed my eyes feeling sleep overcome me and sighed exhaustedly. I felt Bear jump up meaning Cat must've came home, I yawned still laying in bed and heard her come in. "It smells like weed...you been smoking?"Asked Cat. I waved my hand smacking my lips and rolling over. "Fine" she groaned, laying in bed. I could feel her climb in bed behind me, I sighed and rolled over facing her back. I just watched her back this time not bothering to cuddle against her or wrap my arms around her; I closed my eyes. 'Get it together, Anaya'.