Lee's POV
knightsrachel
Parker has been all moody lately , I mean yes he might have minor issues but last time I checked I was the moody one not him . He came by the school yesterday ,dropped of my meds , said hi , only 'hi' he never asked how I was or anything he simply greeted me and left , I tried calling him and he refused to answer my calls , I'm not sure what's going on but I do know that Parker is really either pissed off with me or just extremely annoyed with me . I asked McKenna about and she simply told me to give him space ,so I did that for a whole week yes I didn't try to contact him at all for a whole week , I hate to admit it but I miss the living crap out of him . So today I decided to take measures into my own hands , which is why I'm on my way to his place right now .
As I barge into his room I see him studying , typical Parker , he looks tired , stressed , sick , guilty , and many other emotions that I could not quite clearly understand . Parker has always been good at hiding emotions , I guess that's something that in a way runs in our family .
"Hey Parker " I simply greet startling him and causing him to jump of his seat , which if I do say so myself was the funniest thing that's happened this week ,so instead of saying sorry I simply laugh my ass off and when I gain composure I see him watching me with the blankest expression ever . I mean it's blanker than white blank paper , I mean it's so blank it makes the word blank seem blank .
"What are you doing here Lee?" He asks gruffly
"The real question is , what am I really doing here ?" I say , yes I wanted to get him to laugh but well that didn't seem to work I mean really now Parker ?!
"Lee" he says warningly
"Ugh , why have you been ignoring me ?" I ask bluntly
"I have not been doing that , I've just been avoiding you ." He says nonchalantly
"Wow , ouch okay I guess . Bye " I say as I try and hide every single emotion .
"Lee wait ." He says powerlessly
"Why should I ?!. I mean why would you ignore me and pretend I don't exist for a week , why would you do that Parker me why ?! I mean why Parker why !? Do you know how it felt , how I felt , do you Parker ! " I had to stop and start counting my breaths , I was upset anxious and really I didn't want to have a panic attack right now I just wasn't willing to , I needed to get through this without the panic attack , just once I wish my body could listen to me , just once , is that too much to ask . I took a few more breaths until I felt okay , then I look into Parker's eyes and his eyes are filled with regret . Of course they are , his stupid antics have me a panic attack .
"So are you just going to stand there or are you actually going to acknowledge what I just said , I mean an apology will do it , I'm almost a hundred percent sure that you couldn't give me a proper explanation even of your life depended on it ?! " I practically scream , well not really , I started out very calmly and later on I well started shouting .
"Do you want to know why Lee !? Do you really want to know why !?" He scream out to me , sounding frustrated , tired and maybe broken , but I decided to ignore his emotions , though he sounded hurt did he not realise that his acting pathetic , I mean I wish I could make him feel the pain I felt , then maybe he would stop being such a douchebag .
"Yes , Parker , tell me why don't you , I mean I really want to know , no jokes no lies I really want to know why . " I said curtly
"Lee you know how you always try to kill yourself , how you want to end your life so damn much ?! " he started , I was already feeling anxious .
"Lee that was just a taste of how you're making me feel ! You know if you actually one day conquered in these little schemes of yours , I would never here your voice again , if never see your face again , I'd never see you again ! I would miss you like shit , you know that Lee ?! Do you !? I bet you don't of course you don't I mean you keep trying to kill yourself Lee that should say a little something about your love for me ,right ?" He paused and looked at me as he let out a bitter laugh , and all I could do was stare at him , nothing seemed to be coming out of my mouth I mean why would anything want to come out after that .
"You know how you've felt the lately ? Yes that's exactly how I always feel , or almost always feel , I ignored you so I can show you how I feel when you try and kill yourself , that was to show you how I feel Lee , how I would feel if one day you just well disappeared , how I would feel if just one day you were not in my life anymore . You might think that was a shit plan , but guess what Lee I'm pretty sure you felt it , you felt my pain , believe it or not Lee but I also feel the pain , I mean I also want to end it all sometimes , but guess what ? I know you need me just as much as I need you Lee , and I'd rather find alternatives to dealing with the pain rather than attempting to kill myself every time I feel out of it . I'm only human Lee , I'm not a robot , I have emotions , I wish I didn't have them other times but guess what ? I still have them . We all have them and you need to start seeing it . I need you Lee, I wish you could see it." He finished off , I was not planning on this but I understood what he meant .
He is always there for me , he listens to me , he comes to me often when he has problems , he actually does need me , and I keep hurting him , I wish I could stop , I wish I could make him happy , and you know what that is exactly what I'm going to do , I'm going to get better for Parker . I look up and see him still staring at me , so I walk up to him and just hug him , hoping my hug will reflect just how I felt.
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JEFFERSON LAKE -ONE SHOT , HOPE IT WAS GOOD OR WELL NICE
#JEFFERSON LAKE ROCKS !
