An open letter to Love
You- you are frustrating and not at all what I was expecting. I'm surprised if I even publish this but here goes nothing. You've taught me a lot of things in your own special way and definitely not in the way that is shown in the movies or read about in books. I would say I haven't experienced that kind just quite yet but then I would be lying. You know what? You are extremely confusing and yet you are a part of my life that I would never like to change.
You first came to me through my family. Which essentially means that you frustrate me for around about 25% percent of my day, and I'll admit, that isn't much. But this is the kind of love that I can always count on, the kind that will always be there for me. The kind that will protect me and wrap me inside a little cocoon so I can grow and learn to be someone entirely different. It's the kind that helps me blossom and I cherish every waking moment because it is the special kind. You are the kind of love that comes unquestioning, immediate, unconditional.
The second time was quite different. It took my a while to understand this kind of love because, well, I was not always the outgoing kid that I seem to be. Truthfully, I'm still quite shy. Which is why it took me until the age of 12 to fully understand you, or more accurately, 6th grade. You are the love of friendship. Yes, I knew you before but it wasn't much. Just in clumps of two or three people until 6th grade. Because here, here I started to meet these amazing people that helped me understand you, friendship. They frustrate me sometimes too, but what's life without a little bit of tough love? You taught me to trust, to be open, to let in these crazy like-minded people that are like me. You were the one that made me brave to stand by these crazy people, and I realize that I would never, ever change these people for a second. They taught me a different kind of laughter, a different kind of fun, and to look at others in different ways, because each person is their own unique puzzle piece, and yes, sometimes we think we fit when we actually don't. And then other times we think we don't fit but we do, so thank you friends, for teaching me to be open and accepting of people and their unique little flaws and quirks. This is the kind of love that shows one what uniqueness truly is, and how to help others blossom, and show that the world, though it might seem dark, it honestly isn't.
The third time I met you love, you were quite frustrating. Still are now that I actually think about it. You are the kind that is read about in books, movies, fairytales. You are the kind that I look through with rose-tinted glasses and sometimes achingly want in my life. I tipped-toed around you for quite some time, not even seeing that I was doing so. You first came to me with red hair, blue eyes, a bit of sarcasm and a love for archery. That and crazy backstories that I would find hard to believe with most people, but with you I didn't. You came to me at a place I wasn't expecting and I was still falling despite not knowing your name for quite some time. But I knew your backstory, I knew your snark, your humor, your teasing jibes, and your own interests. I want to put down more about you but I'm unsure of how to put it into words. You, in my mind, were amazing and I can never see you again because you've gone and disappeared. The second time I met you was actually this year, but you didn't start off in this category. No, you started off in the friendship, and changed into something that I'm not quite sure of how to identify. You came in a way that was definitely unexpected and I was blindsided. You came with laughter and familiarity. You came in a way that made me question even more aspects of who I was and I still haven't found the answers just yet. I think I've found out the answer but then you come by and make me question it again. Both times I'm too scared to say the words, not even sure if I truly mean them even though you seem to be in my head all the time, too scared to say three little words that other times I throw out so easily. And yet both of you have made me more accepting of other pieces that make up me and applaud those who truly know themselves. Two times isn't a lot to speak of, but I've regretted neither of them. Except for maybe the fact that I might be keeping my heart too close to my chest... But then I didn't-don't want to lose either of you two, but I already have. This is the kind of love that frustrates me, because it turned my world upside-down and made me think about things that I wasn't exactly ready for. This kind of love is uncertain, hesitant, and kept close because beneath it all I'm a shy person, and I can never get over this barrier.
Love you fascinate and frustrate me. You still have a lot more to teach me, and I definitely have a lot more to learn. I don't suppose you could stop pulling at my heart strings though? No? Didn't think so. I will never fully understand you, considering I'm still that nerd that lives in fantasy-land rather than reality-land sometimes. But hey, I've got time to learn, and you've got time to teach. So don't let me down Cupid, I'm kinda counting on you here.
Sincerely,
A person whose doesn't quite understand the big wide world
