It's 2 AM in your car
Windows down, you pass my street, the memories start
"Thanks for the ride," I told him. She stood there, looking intently at the guy in the driver's seat. Binuksan ko ang gate so we can enter, but she didn't make any move.
"Hey," she whispered. She's near to crying. So the guy went out of his car and went to hug her.
You say it's in the past, you drive straight ahead
You're thinking that I hate you now
'Cause you still don't know what I never said
"Julie," he said. I know Julie wanted to say something but she was tongue-tied.
"Just forget about it," referring to what happened to them. Julie and I were both surprised. "I mean, it's done, it's done."
"You should go now," she pushed him away and went inside the house. I nodded at the guy and somehow waved before I followed suit.
I wish you would come back,
Wish I never hung up the phone like I did.
"Hey," I called her.
"I still love him," she blurted out. "Tangina, sana kasi di ko pinairal pride ko eh!" she was mad—so mad at herself.
"It's not your fault," I tried to comfort her. I hugged her but she refuses.
"No! Kasalanan ko! Kasalanan ko lahat 'to eh. Ako yung nakipagbreak pero ngayong masaya na siya, ano? Ano na ako ngayon?" she slumped on the floor hid her face with her hands.
And I wish you knew that I'll never forget you as long as I live.
And I wish you were right here, right now, it's all good.
"Marami pang iba diyan, Julie," I suggested.
"Pero siya lang ang gusto ko eh," she's still crying. "Siya lang gusto ko. Siya yung gusto kong yumakap sa akin ngayon, siya yung gusto kong magsabi na okay lang lahat. Siya yung gusto ko dito sa tabi ko. Kasi mahal na mahal ko siya eh. Mahal na mahal ko siya."
I've died, although not literally, but I've died—a countless times. Everytime she tells me, straight to my face, that she needs no one except him, she kills me. My friends have always warned me about falling in love with your bestfriend. But I never took them seriously. So now, it's the consequences I have to deal with.
It's 2 AM in my room.
Headlights pass the window pane, I think of you.
Her parents have always trusted me. They allow me to sleep in Julie's room, provided I take the floor.
"Kumusta na kaya siya no?"
"Hmm?"
"Masaya na kaya siya?"
"Mukha naman, she's not looking for you anymore eh," I know she made an angry squint though the lights are already off.
We're a crooked love in a straight line down.
Makes you wanna run and hide
Then it makes you turn right back around
"You know how beautifully fucked up or relationship was, right?" Here we go again. "It's like—"
"a crooked love in a straight line." I finished her sentence and her pillow met my face. She threw it to me. "You know that's a line from a Taylor Swift song right?" I teased.
"It was so complicated, but I know it is worth it...If only I fought for him,"
"And if only he fought for you and with you. Julie, why do you always have to take all the blame?"
"Because I am the one to blame!"
"Of course not!" I sat properly and faced her. "It takes two to build a relationship, therefore it also takes two to break it."
"It's not always like that," she answered.
"But in your case, it is like that."
I wish we could go back
And remember what we were fighting for.
"We promised each other that we will fight 'til the end," I am so fucked up with all her rants, but I can do nothing about it.
"Here we go again," I whispered.
"Sana may time machine no? So I can turn back the time and undo all the things I've done," she said sadly.
"Yes, so I can also manipulate your life into not meeting him, ever."
And I wish you knew that I miss you too much to be mad anymore
"Di naman ako galit sa kanya eh," we're driving on our way home. I picked her up from school, and now she's talking about it again. What's new?"
"Hindi ko nga kayang magalit sa kanya eh. Alam mo yung sobrang mahal mo yung tao, hindi ka na nakakaramdam ng galit sa kanya. Kasi mag nagpe-prevail yung love mo sa kanya than yung galit mo."
She might have noticed that I am not interested to whatever she is going to say so she just turned on the radio. And because the universe and all heavenly creatures up there love me, (yes, with all the sarcasm that's still left in me) Taylor's song suddenly played.
You always knew how to push my buttons
You give me everything and nothing
This mad mad love makes you come running
To stand back where you stood
I wish you would, I wish you would
She went straight to her room as soon as we got home. I followed her only to see her setting up her workplace. She held the guitar, placed his lips near the microphone and started strumming and singing along.
2 AM, here we are
See your face, hear my voice in the dark
We're a crooked love in a straight line down
Makes you wanna run and hide
But it made us turn right back around
I wish you would come back
Wish I never hung up the phone like I did
I wish you knew that I'll never forget you as long as I live.
And I wish you were right here, right now, it's all good.
I wish you would
She posted her cover right away on soundcloud.
"What do you think?" she asked me. "Would the fans love it?"
"Wala naman silang ayaw from you eh," I assured her. "Lalo if they learned kung para kanino 'yun."
"Sana mapakinggan din niya 'no?"
"Bakit pa?"
"Wala lang," she sat on her bed.
"Gusto mo bang iwan niya ang girlfriend niya for you?"
"No."
"Eh what do you want?"
"I just wanted him to know what I really feel. Then after that, tapos na," she's trying to convince herself.
"You're wishing for him to come back," she looked at me, trying to seem disgusted at what I just said.
"You wouldn't sing that song if hindi yun yung nafi-feel mo, Julie," she finally, I think, agreed to what I said.
"But I wish he wouldn't," I told her, holding her hands telling her to stand.
"Kung ayaw na ni Elmo sa iyo, I'm still here. I will never leave you, I promise,"
"Josh,"
"I am serious, Julie. I'm willing to help you heal your wounded heart, only if you allow me."
She is just looking at me-- shocked, obviously.
"Thank you," she hugged me. "Will you wait?"
"Of course."
"But what if he comes back?" I held her face so she can look me in the eyes.
"He wouldn't. I'm sure of it."
"Josh."
"I wish he wouldn't, Julie. I really do."
