funny jokes

joke (1)

So there's 3 construction workers working on a skyscraper. One brunette, one red-head, and a blonde. At lunch, the brunette opens his lunchbox and there's a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. He says, "Aww man, ANOTHER peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I get them everyday! If I get one more PB&J I'm going to jump off this building!" Then the red-head opens his lunchbox and there's a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. He says, "Aww man, ANOTHER peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I am so sick of those! Next time, I'm jumping off this building!" Then the blonde opens his lunchbox and there's a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. He says, "Aww man, ANOTHER peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Will I ever get something else?! One more and I'm jumping too."
The next day each of them open their lunches to discover PB&j's, so they jump off the building and die.
At their funeral the brunette's wife cries and says, "Why did I pack him peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches, why!?" The red-head wife cries and says, "Why didn't I pack him something else, WHY!?!?" Then the blonde's wife says, "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."

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A man goes to heaven with two friends. When they get there they see ducks everywhere. St. Peter informs them that they can do whatever they want but don't step on the ducks. A week goes by and one man steps on a duck. St. Peter comes out with this ugly woman and says " this is who you will spend eternity with". A month later the second man steps on a duck. St. Peter shows up with a hideous woman and says "this is who you will spend eternity with". After a year the third man hadn't stepped on a duck and St. peter shows up with a gorgeous woman. The man can't believe it and says " what could I have done to deserve such a beautiful woman". The woman says "I don't know all I did was step on a duck"

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There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the other boys would constantly tease him. They would always say he was dumb. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime, Johnny would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger.

One day, after Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know that the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face.

Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it. So far I've saved $20!

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One day a blonde and brunette were watching a soap opera on television. On the show, there was a girl standing on a bridge. The brunette turned to the blonde and said, "I bet you $5 that she's going to jump off that bridge." The blonde agreed to the bet. The girl in the show jumped off the bridge, and the blonde handed the brunette the $5. Then the brunette felt guilty and said, "This is a re-run I already saw, I knew she was going to jump." Then the blonde replied, "I saw it before too, but I didn't think the girl would be stupid enough to do it again!"

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A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....
She in the upper bunk and he in the lower.
At 1:00 AM , the woman leaned down and gently woke the man saying, 'Sir, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' he replied. 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'
'Ooooh, ok!' she exclaimed.
'Good,' he replied. 'Get your own D*mn blanket.'