March

March

A soft ringing noise.

That's how I first found her.

It strung in my heart, jolting faster as I saw her.

Why did I feel that way?

The noise, the bell, it becomes—softer, as you gravitated away from her.

My life dissipated any meaning when I did that.

Louder when you stand idly by her side.

Regrets. . .all of it are regrets. . .

I saw her first, underneath a light, from where it shown from, was still a mystery to me. I can only say she was my saving grace.

Or so she looked like it.

This is not a love story.

To me it is.

It wasn't like this in reality.

What even is reality at this point?

I never lead her by the hand.

She never wanted me to.

We were just together.

That's what she would always repeat.

I was satisfied with what we had.

Was I?

. . . Even if I forgot she was with me, still better than complications.

No, it wasn't.

She did light up my life.

I can never argue with that.

I wonder. . . if she felt the same. . .

She didn't.

We were—okay, doing our own thing. . .

I still doubt myself every day.

She and I were fine with this distance.

Only she was. I wanted to be close to her, she didn't.

It killed me. I heard the ringing, constantly, every day, hour, minute, second. The thing is, it was always so distant.

That's how we were, things can really come back to haunt you.

I followed the ringing.

But why?

I never stopped following the ringing, always making sure that whenever I followed it, it would become louder.

Such waste, of a life. My own to be exact.

Then I found her.

I never think I would've seen such surprise on her face. She didn't want me anymore.

She. . . she was going to be leaving—following her own life and ambitions.

I finally understood what having a broken heart feels like.

I was fine with it.

No, I really wasn't.

I wanted her to be happy.

But her being happy makes my survival harder than she thought.

We simply enjoyed being together for the time being.

But was it enough?

I played it out in my head.

It seemed fine at first, now the ideas were ludicrous.