Figuratively Speaking

Chapter 1: Elliot

I slammed the phone down in frustration. WHY?! Why did Sammie have to call and ruin my Sunday? Sunday is my ME  day, and I did not want to spend it wearing an ugly ass floral print dress Mom and Sammie bought me while sitting in a hot church. Seriously who put Sammie in charge of my spiritual needs? And how do I get her fired?

As I sat fuming, my black cat, Berry Snow, meowed at me for food. For the record, my cat wouldn't have such a strange name if unicorns were real. Anyways, while pouring Berry's food, I started to rethink my conversation with Sammie. What if, she wasn't trying to be annoying? Maybe she really cares about my over all well being. God, I was such a bitch to her over the phone! I'll call her back and tell her I'm going to church next Sunday. Not because of her, but because of...of...the upcoming holidays! Yes! I am going to church next week because of the upcoming holidays! Oh, wait...it's the end of June. There are no more upcoming religious holiday, so there goes that excuse.

Unless, I say I'm going for the 4th of July! That makes total sense. I am going so God will Bless America. I really such at lying, but it might work when pigs fly. When I finally call Sammie, she picks up on the first ring and starts talking immediately. "I am just so glad you will be joining us next Sunday, Ellie! Mom will be so happy to hear about your change of heart. She was broken hearted this morning when she didn't see you. You should wear that lovely floral dress Mom bought you to make up for it!"

"Okay, Sammie," was the only response I could give before she started again. "Next week's sermon will be great for you. It is all about being patient while God's plan unfolds. I am just sure it will give you hope while you search for a husband who  can love you and your horrific cooking skills. Of course, the search would be easier if you did something with that hair and stopped dressing so sloppily."

If I didn't stop her soon, she would insult, I mean talk to, me for hours. I decided to attempt to end this. "Listen, Sammie, it has been great talking to you, but-," she cut me off with, "Oh, don't forget about the cook out at Mom's and Dad's this Friday! The kids will be so happy to see their Auntie Ellie! Well, too-da-loo!!" With that she hung up on me. Sammie always gets the last word.

Exhausted from the conversation, I sat on the couch with Berry. I commented to Berry, and mainly myself, "I wonder if She will show up this Friday? If she does, I just might be a witness to a murder."