The Bad Boys Secret [Cameron Dallas fanfic]

Chapter 42 - Goodbye

"But I need you Alana, I really really need you," he says begging me. We both stand underneath the tree. The tree that's always been my friend, and the tree that has been my love seat with Cam.
"Exactly, this is what I mean Cam, you need me, you don't want me like I want you. This is why everything, everything just needs to stop. It's going to be so hard Cameron, it is because... Because I love you."
"I love you too!" He says so quick. That's when you know, that when they say those three powerful words, they literally have no meaning nor emotion nor expression behind it, because they don't love you.

The thing is, there's so many people that think they're in love, but really, they're not. To be In love, wow, I don't even know where to begin, but I can tell you a few things about being in love and being loved.

There's many types of love because it depends what person you're loving, but this love that I'm talking about now, is a love so strong, it hurts.

Eventually, one day (it doesn't always happen but it usually does), you will meet someone in your life, and they will become a big role within. At first there might not be much of it, perhaps you think they're sweet or good looking, but nothing else. You see them more often, and that doesn't even have to be speaking, just seeing them, and you already start to feel that they're more than just sweet or goodlooking. Then once you get talking to them, you realise that wow, maybe they're not quite what you expect, but something much more than just that, than just what they come across.

When they talk to you and all you seem to do is mostly just admire the sound of their voice and stare at their face thinking wow, I'm so lucky to even be talking to you, or you stare at their lips thinking, God, I really hope I can touch them with my own one day.

Whenever you see them a smile grows on your face and happiness fills your body. Whenever they talk to you, your day is made and complete. Whenever they touch you, if that ever happens, that they touch you, you'll never feel as special ever in your life, than when they touch you. No matter if it's a hand on the shoulder or a pat on the back, you'll be frozen and shocked, but so delighted that someone so incredible could even have such a magical touch. A touch so magical that sparks shoot out your skin, and butterflies fly around like crazy in your stomach.

You begin to almost crave them; crave attention from them. Soon, sometimes seeing them isn't enough. You want them to glance at you, you want to be noticed, but then you want them to look away sometimes so you can just stare at them and feel just so incredibly lucky to have someone like this even in your life, right infront of your own very eyes.

They'll talk to other people and jealousy will take over you because you, you just want to be that one person who is speaking to them. You want to hear their voice because it makes you feel so loved, and you just want to hear them say your name, because when they say your name, it's almost different to how they say others. You say their name with caution and thought, you kind of sigh their name because you almost feel useless and worthless. When you hear them say your name, they almost say it curiously, because they probably have a hint in the world, that perhaps, you like them too.

Someday that person may like you back, but not just as a friend but as something else, and something special. When that day comes, you'll know, and you'll never, ever, forget that day for the rest of your life, because a day like that, is mentally impossible to forget. You've been longing for them to like you the way you do, to actually love you, because you've loved them with all your heart, and suddenly when their heart fills with yours, I can tell you that, you'll never feel that way again, because usually, that love only comes around once. You'll always find people to love and people will come and go, but there's usually that one love, that first love, that you will never ever forget, because to be honest, that love is one to remember for a life time. You will think back to when the first time you spoke, the first time they looked at you the Same way you look at them, and you'll remember the smallest of things like when they picked up your pen off the floor. The thing is, that every minor detail mattered and it always will because that person made you feel so incredibly special, that it's hard to feel that way again. You'll find yourself comparing other people to them, because they were just so perfect to you, because you couldn't see a single imperfection in them, because you learnt to love them all in the very beginning.

But when they don't love you back, when they don't love you in the way that you love them, that's when it makes you break. You almost felt that they lead you on because they spoke to you constantly and smiled as they walked past, and they even touched you. That someone even touched you, they managed to reach your heart. But your heart is fragile because it's like a piece of glass. Once you drop that piece of glass, it shatters. It's hard to fix glass, and it'll always be tampered with to try to be fixed, but once it is, it won't ever be the same again. You will never forget how they literally just stopped. They stopped touching you. They stopped talking to you. They stopped looking at you. Even if it all happened over time, it still happened, it still stopped. But once they stop all of that, you crave them more than ever and you feel so down and hurt, that even your whole body feels fragile, and your feelings become fragile, because your heart has been dropped and everything else has pretty much been dragged down with it. You feel worthless and nothing without them because they were your everything, and you weren't even a petal in their garden. It hurts to know that someone who means the world to you, can't even love you at all, and it really does make you feel numb and literally nothing. The thing that makes you frustrated with yourself is that you will still look at them, hoping that they're looking at you too, but really, they don't even take a glance your way. You hate yourself for having hope and belief that they will just accidentally touch you as they walk past, or nudge you and say sorry, or go to look at the clock and glance at you as they look away. You hope for anything, you just hope for something, something from them for you, to fix your crooked heart. But you become the opposite to a clock, because when a clock breaks, people will notice, but when a person does, nobody notices; not even them.

But when the day comes, where you don't where you stand, then perhaps you got to stop standing, and maybe you just got to start walking....