|sad| {edelmandola}

Chapter One.

"Danny, hey, it's gonna be okay," Julian tried desperately to console his sobbing husband while suppressing his own tears, "Take a deep breath."

"My little girl, Jules." Danny sobbed, trying to steady his breathing, "Our little girl. Our little girl." Danny took a deep breath, "I-it's my fault. I didn't see t-the t-t-truck. I-I k-killed our baby."

"No, you didn't," Julian wiped Danny's tears, "He was drunk, this is not your fault. C'mere," A few of Julian's own tears fell and he pulled Danny against his chest, "You did not do anything wrong, sweetheart. It was just her time."

"She was only four," Danny whimpered, "It should've been me, why wasn't it me?!"

"Stop, stop, listen to me, honey," Julian said, forcing Danny to look at him, "For some fucked up reason, we lost our little girl, I don't know why. But, Danny, we can get through this, I promise you, we'll be okay." 

Danny shook his head, "We just buried our baby. I'm the furthest thing from okay."

Julian nodded, "But you will be one day."

"Daddy!" They heard the voice of their six year old son, Alex, outside of their bedroom door, "If someone doesn't feed me, we are gonna have a problem!"

"He gets that from you," Julian kissed Danny quickly. Danny smiled weakly. Julian stood up and opened the door, bending down to Alex's height. "I'll go make you grilled cheese," Julian kissed his sons forehead, "But, while I do that, I want you to go snuggle with daddy. Make sure you give him lots of kisses and tell him that you love him."

Alex nodded and climbed on his father's bed. Alex laid on Danny's chest and smiled, "Hi, daddy! Uncle Rob said that he'll come throw the football with me tomorrow after school! I'm gonna be just like you and dad!"

"Hey, kid," Danny said weakly, "And that's awesome!" Danny tried to fake enthusiasm, but he couldn't. 

Alex frowned, "Don't be sad, I'm not dead like Shayla!" Danny's heart broke at the mention of his daughters name, but he tried to keep his tears back so he wouldn't cry in front of his son. "I love you, daddy! You never make me wait for food like dad does!"

"I love you too, bud," Danny said quietly. 

"Can we go downstairs? I need to tell dad to hurry up," Alex rolled his eyes. Danny nodded and slowly stood up. His back was still sore from the accident that took his daughters life but for some reason spared his. "Um, carry me." 

"I can't, baby," Danny shook his head, "I hurt my back, you have to walk."

"Please?" Alex asked, giving Danny the look that Danny gives to Julian when he wants something. 

"You're lucky you're cute," Danny sighed, scooping his son into his arms and slowly walking downstairs. Danny sat at the table with Alex on his lap. Julian noticed and smiled a little bit at them, but he looked exhausted. Danny knew why, but he couldn't find the strength in him to comfort his husband. "Do we have any aspirin?"

Julian placed the grilled cheese sandwich in front of Alex, rubbing one of his hands across Danny's chest and resting the other on Danny's shoulder. "We should," Julian frowned and kissed his husbands forehead, "Are you in pain, babe?"

"Just a headache," Danny said quietly. Suddenly, Danny felt like he needed to get away from his husband and his son. He was instantaneously overwhelmed and he didn't feel good. "I-I think I'm gonna go to bed."

"Babe?" Julian said quietly. He sounded nervous. Danny was halfway to the stairs, but he stopped walking. Julian pulled Danny into a hug. "I love you. I'm sorry that you're in pain."

"I love you too, Jules," Danny murmured, "I'm sorry I'm a shitty husband right now."

"You're an amazing husband, babe. Go relax, okay? You deserve it," Julian pecked Danny's lips once more before returning to the kitchen table. 

About six hours later, around one o'clock in the morning, Julian woke up to Danny tossing and turning, tears falling down his cheeks. "Shayla..." Danny mumbled. Julian frowned. "Shayla!" Danny screamed, waking up with a start. He collapsed into Julian's arms, sobbing. "She's gone, she's gone."

"I know, babe," Julian said, his own tears falling.

"She was... She was so bloody and..." Danny recalled. Julian realized that the nightmare was about the accident. 

"You don't have to describe it if it's too hard for you, babe." Julian kissed Danny's forehead. Danny nodded, clinging to Julian as if his life depended on it. Julian knew that Danny wouldn't be able to go back to bed after this. "Do you want to go watch a movie or something?"

Danny nodded, tears still rolling down his cheeks, "Can we watch it downstairs? The mattress is hurting my back."

"Of course, sweetheart," Julian said, "Go on down, I'll be there in a few minutes."

Danny dragged himself to the couch and Julian's heart broke for his husband. Of course, Julian was absolutely devastated over the loss of his daughter, but Danny needed him right now. Julian didn't watch her die. Danny did. Julian didn't feel guilty about her death. Danny did. Danny felt like he killed her because he was driving, but it wasn't his fault at all. It was the drunk drivers fault. Julian didn't hold her while she took her last breaths. Danny did. The paramedics knew the second that they got to the scene of the accident that there was no hope of saving Shayla, so they allowed Danny to hold her in the ambulance while they did what little they could to help the girl. 

Julian walked downstairs and into their living room to find Danny laying on the couch. Julian lifted Danny's feet and sat down, placing Danny's feet on his lap. "What do you want to watch, babe?"

"Something funny," Danny murmured, "Just go to comedy and pick the first one." Julian nodded and did exactly that. He pressed play on 'The Heat' and looked over at Danny. 

"You look so beautiful," Julian sighed, subconsciously giving Danny a foot massage, "How can you go through hell and still look so stunning?"

"That feels so good, babe," Danny murmured, "and I should ask you the same thing," Danny smiled weakly, "This is actually the 'I haven't slept in three days' look."

Julian grinned, "Well, you can make exhaustion look good."

After a few minutes, Julian moved so he was cuddled up next to Danny, his head on Danny's chest. Julian was listening to Danny's heartbeat, something that he did often. It was different this time, though. Julian needed to know that no matter how much pain Danny was in he was still alive. 

Every so often, Julian would lean up and press a soft kiss to Danny's lips, which Danny would return. "You can go to sleep, Jules," Danny murmured after a kiss that they shared, "I'm sorry that I woke you up, you look exhausted."

"We should both try to sleep a little bit," Julian decided, and Danny looked nervous. He didn't want to have another nightmare. "I'll be right here, babe," Julian promised, rubbing his hand over one of Danny's hips, "If you have another nightmare, I'll be right here."

Danny nodded, "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

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