Mirror

as i look through that mirror on the wall. i feel as though i am able to see through my soul. and i was hoping to see a smart, pretty, happy girl grinning on the inside and out. but to my dismay, all i saw was a sad, broken, worthless person. i wished i didn't believe it was true but i did. all my life people said how my smile could brighten an entire room just by one smile. and that there was something childish and happy about me. and i always wanted to believe what they said was true. but i just couldn't see how the girl that i knew was scarred, broken, and bruised could look in the mirror she used to love to look at, could somehow tell her that she was still beautiful, loved, and in no way imperfect. but as soon as i discovered the world was not going to help me get over my insecurities, i did the only thing i could think of to get away from the pain. i started to cut. i knew it would leave scars, but i didn't care. i just needed to get away from all the hurt, abuse, and pain from everyone around me. but after i moved away from the monsters that were abusing me, mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually, i stopped cutting and started singing again. but i also found out that people could understand all the pain and hurt and emotion i would hide in my music about my past. they started asking me questions about it and they took my silence as conformation. they persecuted me for the things that happened to me in my past. so i decided to drop out of school so that no one could make fun of md for the past. then awhile later, i found someone i thought would love me through all my flaws and mistakes and baggage. but after he found out he never looked at me the same way. and he started looking at other girls and making moves on them. until finally i broke up with him so i could live my life. but i decided to try and everything again. i had tried to end it before when i was little. i had tried to stab myself in the stomach to get away from the pain that her so called "family" was causing me. i stopped trying after awhile but i started again when the pain and humiliation started getting to me again. so as i looked into the mirror as the smooth glides over my untainted flesh, i believed i would never be enough for that "special someone" i saw every day at school. and that one day i actually stop believing it wouldn't happen my world comes crashing down, my hopes are left on the ground crumpled, broken, and shattered. and all because he said no. and as always she picks herself up and dusts herself off, and tells herself, "life goes on and the Earth keeps spinning". even if it felt like her world stopped. but she has become a new person now. even though she has relapses.. even though the thought, the dream, the idea that just to end it all would be so much easier than living with all this pain. but then this other guy comes along (we're gonna call him........ Joseph.) and tells her some of the reasons she should stay alive. stay breathing. she decides to listen to what he has to say as he tells her about his dark past. but surprisingly he was still there for her. even though they hadn't been that close. but ever since he found out that she cut and he used to cut, hes been sweet, asking her if she was ok and stuff. he makes her feel like every time she looks in the mirror she is worth saving. he has saved her life more than once and he will never know how much that means to me. and so from now on she will take each day as it comes. even when she looks at her reflection she can almost bear what she see when she gazes in at my soul through the mirror.