My Best Friend Jimmy

I Want You

"I want you." In that moment, words had never carried so much weight as those three did. Time ceased to exist. Nothing existed except for us. Right there and right then. Jimmy was looking me passionately in the eyes. I could feel the passion in the air just wrapping around me. That look said everything. He took his hand from my hip and brought it to my face. He took his fingertips and ran them down my cheek and brought them back up to tuck my hair behind my ear. "Jess. It was always you. Those 5 months that you were away? I didn't think I was going to make it. I think you were what made me happy and Nancy just satisfied me wanting to be with someone. All along, it was like I was dating you. I have wanted this for so long, I just didn't know I wanted it. I..." He trailed off. He gently put his hand on the back of my neck and at the same time, leaned in and slowly pulled my face to his.

Just before our lips met, he stopped. "Is this what you want? I want this."

I didn't even answer him. I just leaned in the rest of the way and touched my lips to his. This kiss, it wasn't just a kiss. We had both kissed our fair share of people. Whenever I kissed someone else, it felt just like kissing. Like lips on lips and that was it. Just skin on skin. This kiss. This kiss made me feel light. Like i was in the sky and just floating there. A rush of warmth went through my body and filled me with something I had never felt before. This is what it must feel like when something is completely right. I could feel him exhale slowly. His hand slowly ran from the back of my head down to my hip. He pulled my hips in gently so that we were both touching. Our kiss matured into some open mouthed kissing which then evolved into tongue kissing. Like I said before, we had both kissed our share of people, but I had never kissed someone who knew exactly what he was doing and made me melt like a candle. We wrapped it up with a few slow and small kisses while still touching.

"Jess... I..." he just smiled and looked down and did that thing he always does where he opens his mouth and sets his jaw crooked and puts his tongue to the top set of his teeth. I couldn't help looking at him and just letting out a tiny giggle.

"You want to know something?"

He looked at me, "I want to know everything."

"The first day I met you on SNL, you shook my hand and introduced yourself and did that think you do with your tongue."

Shyly giggling, "Yeah I've been told I do that a lot."

"Jimmy. In all the years that I've known you, all the memories we've made, everything that has happened, I never forgot that moment. That was the beginning of something truly beautiful and when you do that, it just reminds me of how awesome that moment was. I never want you to ever stop smiling. Ever."

I could see his eyes start to tear up which in turn, made me tear up. "You know, in all the years that I've dated Nancy and anyone else, they never said anything to me like what you just said. Nothing was as deep and heartfelt as that." He wiped his nose. "Where have you been?" He wrapped both arms around me and held me this way until we both fell asleep. 

Ever since I was a kid, I had trouble sleeping. I always woke up in the middle of the night scared for no reason. I could never sleep for more than 3 hours at a time without getting up. That's why I was such a perfect fit for Saturday Night Live because I never needed sleep. But tonight, I never woke up once. I felt safe. I felt protected.

I eventually woke up in the morning around 8. But something was different. Wrong. I shuffled around and I didn't feel Jimmy next to me. I turned around and didn't see him in the bed. I began to panic. If he went to the bathroom, I would've heard him. I began to look around for something, anything. His shoes were gone. I went to reach for my phone to call him and see where he was. I picked up my phone and found a little piece of paper on it. Written in chicken-scratch on it was: