Make Me Better

Chapter 10

A month and 2 weeks have gone by; A month since the abuse and 2 weeks since I've heard from Cat. I didn't clearly understand why I ever thought she'd contact me after the way I treated her but I never knew her to give up on anything. One thing after another was falling apart, becoming a conundrum. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I missed her, longed to have her next to me and see her smile. I would close my eyes hoping that eventually this nightmare would be over and I'd wake up in her arms again like before. It's like I wanted to love her but loving her became uncertain and scary. I start confiding in my therapist, I really just wanted to pour my heart out and let someone inside my mind. "How do you feel now that Cataleya?" Asked Dr.Allens, tapping her pen against her notebook. I sighed, "Empty...really empty". "Then why did you make her leave?" She questioned, scribbling in her book. "I-I was scared...I guess" I muttered, shrugging. "No, don't close up. Say what your scared of?" Insisted Dr.Allens, "It's the best way". I sighed, nodding and closed my eyes. "Everything became scary, it wasn't magical like it use to be...everything felt dirty" I admitted. Dr.Allens nodded, writing in her notebook and took her glasses off. "Anaya, your not broken. Your wounded, your love and trust was betrayed so you believe that everyone will one day eventually betray you" She said, nodding, "You can not allow fear to take over your life. Grab a hold on what you have left and steer". I wanted Cat, every part of me wants her and I couldn't deny it. I tried, I really wanted to believe I didn't that maybe it was just the lust or the fact that I've never really opened up to anyone but her that made me believe I wanted her. "That's all the time we have, sweetie. Same time next week" stated Dr.Allens, smiling. I thanked her getting up out the chair, we shook hands as she walked me to the door and smiled again. "Talk to her, Anaya. It's not my place but it obviously what you want" She said. I nodded taking all her advise in consideration; I knew I wanted her but the question was did I need her. I left the office, getting into my car and started the engine. I sighed resting my head on the steering wheel and began to think about Cat, our past and the Doctor's advice.
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"I want my daddy" I cried. The thunder boomed loudly making me jump and cry harder. Krystal was rubbing my back trying to comfort me but it wasn't working. "Ana, uncle at work. He'll be back in the morning" said Krystal. Cat pulled a brown box from under her bed, she opened it revealing an old gray CD player and blue headphones. "Imma protect you...always" muttered Cat, putting the headphones on my ears. She turned the CD player on playing the CD that was in there and wrapped her arms around me pulling me closer. I stopped crying, the music faded out the thunder and I looked up at Cat. She smiled down at me, her eyes sparkled innocently and I smiled back. 'I feel safe...like this. In her arms...I always want this'.
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I snapped back to reality not realizing I was crying and wiped my eyes. I sat up, backing out of the parking spot and decided to go to Cat's house. She still stayed with her Dad in the same neighborhood we grew up in and I parked on the curb. I got out quickly going to the front door and knocked. "Cataleya, please answer!" I called, knocking on the door. I was greeted with silence, I continued to knock and call her name. "Cat, please...I wanna talk" I said, pressing my forehead against the door. The door opened, I got off the door so I wouldn't fall and waited; Hoping it was Cat. Her Dad stood in the doorway smiling and shook his head, "She doesn't want company today, Nya". "Mr.Graves, I need to talk to her please...I-I cant...I need to talk to her pleasee" I whimpered, feeling my eyes water. Mr.Graves sighed, he stepped out the way letting me in and closed the door behind me. "She's in her room...go ahead" He said, waving me up the stairs. I walked up the stairs with each step I felt more and more anxious. I was nervous as if it was the first time I came to her house all over again, memories of our childhood flooded my mind as I walked down that hallway and stopped at her room. Her door was decorated with small painted handprints, our names scribbled by the handprints and stickers covered most of the door. I gently put my hand on her door, I pushed it lightly and it slowly creaked open. I walked into her room feeling my heart leap out of my chest, Cat sat at her desk with her head down and those blue headphones on her ears. "I'm good, Pop...I'm not hungry" She blurted, making me jump. Cat turned to see me, she took her headphones off and cut her eyes at me. "I'm sorry" I muttered. I could feel tears threatening to fall but I held them back, "I'm sorry for how I acted and treated you. I'm so sorry". "Nya...don't do this" groaned Cat, shaking her head. "I love you!" I bleated, quickly covering my mouth. She seemed surprised by my out burst, she placed the headphones on her desk and just stared at me as if encouraging me to continue. "I've always loved you...ever since we were kids, I didn't know then like I knew now. I loved you in high school...I-I just...I couldn't be with you...I dated Jordan, he was my crush but I've never...never felt for him like I felt for you, Cataleya" I admitted, "He knew...he tried to keep us apart because he knew I have always loved you". I could feel my tears traveling down my cheeks, I sniffled and rubbed my eyes. "Everything started to feel dirty...I pushed you away before I even let you try and...I was just so scared, Cat. You've always been my hero and I was just...afraid to love you like I made myself love Jordan" I whimpered, "I never wanted you to leave and give up on me...I never wanted that". Cat stood up, I jumped and she quickly came to me pulling me into her arms, "Nya, I could never give up on you". I cried on her shoulder missing that warm embrace and wrapped my arms around her tightly. "I was thinking I was broken...but I was just hurting...I was mad, hurt and torn. I was just wounded and I forgot when I'm hurting...you make me better" I whispered. For once everything felt right as if all the insanity had ceased to exist in her arms and I could imagine why I'd ever forget this feeling. I nuzzled into her, she broke our hug and picked me up kicking her room door closed and carried me to the bed. Cat gently placed me on the bed, she kneeled in front of me and I leaned towards her locking our lips. After breaking the kiss she wrapped her arms around me and rested her head in my lap. I smiled for what felt like the first time in decades and everything finally felt like it was going to be alright with me and with her. 'I feel safe...like this...with her. Imma hold on to this'.