Holding Back (BoyxBoy)

- This one-shot is dedicated to my beautiful ladybugs out there (2k!). I know I haven't uploaded any of my stories, there's no excuse but my inability to write. I decided to stop for awhile to pinch up my writing skill and hopefully this one-shot will prove just that. I love y'all!

Holding Back.

"To some of us, there's just so much in life that's holding us back. To me, one

of them is you."

-OMGguyLOL

-+-

It should have been me, not him.

Whenever I closed my eyes, I could still see the flaming tragedy vividly before me. The more I tried to fight it, the faster the possessive patterns intact themselves in my dreamless slumber. The constant yelling and crying for help had soon become the haunting lullaby that woke me up at night. As time passes, the nightmare started to engulf me in whole. Everywhere I went, I saw things. Things that should have been long gone with the wind. The steel tower that tumbled down, the suffocating heat that burnt my lungs and the bloody hands that reached for me...

All in all, I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to.

There's the time I thought I was dead along them, only to be awaken by the worried bark of my dog. Jasper nuzzled in my palm and whimpered sadly, hoping to cheer me up in some way. He could only do that much when I was awake, everything was back to hell once my eyes were shut. For me, the hallucinations began after the explosion on the platform, on the day I lost someone dear to me.

I could still remember it was 19th July 2000, the day that changed my definiton of life. It was a fairly sunny morning, strangely enough. After weeks of heavy downpours, people had begun to think it would never be sunny again. Unlike everyone else here at Port Germanium, I was rather fine with a straight weeks of gloomy weather. It could be an excuse for me to stay home and be with Jasper, he always missed me when I was gone. Men like me didn't see the point of having a beautiful day, it's bad luck for us. The luck to return to the endless sea.

We're packed and ready to go. I leaned against a wooden post with a few young lads chatting away whilst waiting for the ship to arrive. I glanced warily at them, flipping the lighter in my hand. They looked so darn happy. I scoffed and lighted the cigarrette at the end of my mouth, drawling out a puff of smoke at the salty air. I hate newbies, they had no experience and were always the throbbing pain in the ass. All they wanted to do was to get out from the house and see the world, bloody amatuers.

The marker near the dock was crowded with people; the sound of bargaining had taken out the seagulls' yapping overhead. I noticed Simon the fishmonger was arguing with his seller, cursing him for raising the price up without telling him anything at first. I could smell the fresh gutted fish everywhere, Simon wasn't the one who sold fish around here and that was the only scent this market would ever own. Everyone was crowding around the scene and amidst of all was a tall dark man and a young fair woman.

The five o'clock shadow on his face gave him a brooding image and his muscles rippled under the faded blue uniform. He wasn't monstrously huge but he could easily outsize a lot of men of his age and he was stark contrast to his partner. The woman looked so fragile standing beside him, auburn locks reached till' her slender waist. She barely reached five foot with a vintage floral dress that hung her body loosely. The man pulled her close, touching his forehead with hers. His firm hand clasped the back of her head like he was afraid to let go. He looked scared for the first time since I'd met him, but he was the type of guy who easily bounced back from feeling any emotions. They pulled back and stared deeply into each other.