Stranded with Niall Horan || n.h.

Chapter 16 - Poor Unfortunate Souls

He withdrew his hand from my face in a heartbeat. I let it sink in for a moment. I could tell he was on the verge of tears but was forcing himself to keep up the strong façade. His eyes were on the sand; they moved across the beach as if they were searching for something that could stab deeper into his heart than my words did. 

The silence was unbearable. “Niall, please say something.” I pleaded in a barely audible voice.

He sat down on the beach and turned his gaze to the ocean. I imagined it would be hard to look a scoundrel like me in the face.

“I’m sorry, Niall! How many times do you want me to say it? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ll say it for all eternity if that’s what it takes.”

He shook his head slowly.”Once was enough. It doesn’t have a meaning to me now, they’re just words.”

“They aren’t just words.” I said, shaking my head at his accusation. He rolled his eyes and focused on the cloudy sky. “I really meant it every time I said it. What can I say to have you forgive me?”

He finally looked at me and said, “Start off with why: why did you lie to me all this time? Why couldn’t you tell me before now?”

“Well, you never asked and I just thought…”

“Oh, so it’s my fault then.” he said sourly.

I closed my eyes tightly, accidently letting more tears fall. “No, it’s my fault entirely. I just didn’t know you would kiss me and feel the way you do. That I would f–” 

“You didn’t know I would feel this way?” he asked incredulously, shifting his whole body to face me. “Nina, do you know how many times I’ve wanted to kiss you before now? That time we looked up at the stars, the time we reenacted Titanic, after you discovered water, when we were dancing on the beach. You could have told me any one of those times. 

“Why did you wait until I actually kissed you to tell me? Why did you wait until I went out on a limb before you spilled the beans on your relationship status?”

“I knew I should have told you from the first time we almost kissed. It just kept getting harder and harder because my emotions were getting more and more confusing. I didn’t know I was going to feel this way for you, Niall. My boyfriend was back at home and it was just me and my two best friends going on a cruise. I didn’t expect to run into you and-” 

“Ah, so your boyfriend was away and you ran into me.” he said slowly, as if all the pieces fell into place. “Was I, just a fling to you or something? Since your boyfriend wasn’t around I was your way of having some mild, harmless fun?”

My eyes narrowed with sudden fury. “Stop it, Niall. You know I wouldn’t do that.” I said through my teeth.

“Was I just a pawn in your sick, twisted game?” he continued as if he didn’t hear me. “If it wasn’t me, would you have found another poor, unfortunate soul to torture?”

“How dare you.” I nearly growled at him.

“What are the rules to this game you play? You find a guy, flirt with him, make him fall in love with you, and then crush him with reality. Is that how it works? If so, you played me pretty well.”

I was about to slap him except for one word that held my hand at my side. “You-you fell in love with me?”

“Yes, and I still am in love with you, madly in love with you. But what does it matter now? It’s all just a moot point.”

All my anger dissolved and my guilt and grief returned. “Niall…I’m–”

“Sorry?” he asked as he got up. “Yeah, I figured. It’s fine, it’s my fault really. I couldn’t resist that charm of yours I guess. I was destined for heartbreak as soon as I laid eyes on you.” He half-smiled as he started to walk away. “Out of all the cruises ships in the entire world, Nina Edwards, you had to walk onto mine, didn’t you? Oh, well.” 

“Where are you going?” I asked, my vision blurred by the continuous downpour of teardrops.

He shrugged. “I don’t know, somewhere by myself. But I wouldn’t come and try to soothe me or anything if I were you. I need some time to think. I need some time to get over you.”

I nearly objected to his last statement, but I could barely get any sound out. It was just a faint whimpering that was overpowered by the lapping of the waves. He turned on his heels and walked to the direction of the cave. I sat there and watched his figure get smaller and smaller as the distance between us got greater and greater. My hands got tired of wiping tears and stayed helplessly in my lap.

“What have I done?” I asked myself. I repeated the question over and over, trying to think of answer that made sense. What did I do? I just lost one of the best things that ever happened to me. I wished I had a working cell phone. Not that I could call for help, but that I could contact Gabriel and break up with him. 

Although I am morally against such a harsh form of ending a relationship, I wanted to free myself. I wanted to sprint behind Niall, jump onto him and never, ever leave him. I wanted to whisper ‘I love you too’ in his ear and give him the most passionate kiss in the history of mankind.

I wanted to do it now. Screw the boyfriend. It was just a technicality. I got up with a mission. I squared my eyes on the target of Niall’s back. However, the swift motion of me getting up set another motion off inside me. My eyes bulged as I held my mouth shut with my hand and turned toward the jungle.

After puking who-knows-what behind a tree, I felt weak. Well, there goes the plan of running after Niall. My tongue ran along the inside of my mouth and I almost gagged. The after taste was despicable. As I walked over to the ocean and swished a handful of water in my mouth, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was karma getting me back for lying to Niall.

After a second rinsing, I washed the sweat and dried tears off my face and slowly made my way back to the cave. I realized throwing up took a lot out of me, when I didn’t have a lot in me to begin with. My walk to the cave resulted in minor stumbles here and there, nothing too severe. I just needed to rest. 

I reached the cave eventually, and noticed Niall in the distance. He was sitting down and throwing some rocks at the ocean. The plan of kissing him despite my boyfriend kicked into action again, but then I remembered his warning and hesitated at the mouth of the cave. He turned to look at me. Even from afar, I could tell he was crying.

I nearly crumpled at the sight. I walked a few steps into the cave, out of his view, and broke down. The plan was out of question. He was in too much pain, a pain that I brought him. I held in a scream as I clawed at the hair on my scalp. I couldn’t stand it. That smile I saw at the waterfall was a faded memory. It was now replaced with a look of anguish. The joy the waterfall brought us seemed like it was centuries ago.

I saw Niall’s wallet out of the corner of my eye. I ran to it and picked it up. I fished out a picture of him, with the rest of the band. He was smiling. The smile was not as big as the one I vaguely remember from the waterfall, but it was there. He was with his bestfriends and he was happy. ‘One Direction – 2010,’ I read to myself. He was happy before he met me. I brought him all this sorrow and distress. 

I held the picture to my chest as I slid my back down the cave wall, stopping when I sat on the ground. I looked at the fire in the middle of the cave. For a flitting second, I wondered how it would feel if I stuck my hair in the fire. How long would it take for it to reach my head, and make my brain melt? I contemplated other forms of death. I could sneak out of the cave without Niall seeing and drown myself in the waterfall’s lake. I could go into the jungle and stumble upon a tiger, taunting it until it caved in and ate me, limb by limb.

I would go through any amount of pain, if it would alleviate Niall’s pain in the tiniest bit. But then I realized Niall’s pain would be reinforced, and possibly worse if he found me dead. I sighed. He was in pain if I was dead, he was in pain if I was alive. It was a lose-lose situation either way, might as well face the facts and deal with what I only brought upon myself.

I couldn’t commit suicide even if I wanted to. I shuddered that I was even thinking about it. I knew being on a desert island was going to make me go crazy eventually, but committing suicide was insane. It just made me cry more. I caressed the picture with my thumb as I closed my eyes.

I heard Niall’s footsteps enter the cave and opened my eyes immediately. His eyes were puffy, and I assumed mine were just the same. I stood up to face him.

“I just have one thing to ask you.” he said, though it sounded like it took him a lot of effort to even open his mouth. “Do you love him?”

The question took me aback. I wasn’t sure how to respond. I deliberated, and decided that I’ve been lying to him all this time. The least I could do was tell him the truth when he needed it most.

“Yes.” I said, though my tone made it obvious I wish it wasn’t the case.

He closed his eyes for a couple of heartbeats, and then opened them again, revealing fresh tears. “Well in that case, I’m going to prove how much I love you by letting you go. It’s the greatest test of love. To make sure the other is happy, even if it is with somebody else. I hope you and your boyfriend are reunited when we’re rescued, and continue your relationship as if nothing had happened.” 

I shook my head in protest, but he stopped me with his hand on his face.

“I don’t want you to choose between us. So, I’m giving you only one option. Please, just let me do this. Let me prove my love for you.”

He wrapped his arm around me, in what seemed like our final hug. 

“I love you Nina Edwards. I always will. No matter what happens.” he whispered into my right ear. He pulled away from me and looked into my eyes.

I could feel the beads of sweat trickle down my face. My vision was still cloudy. I opened my mouth to say something. ‘I love you too, Niall Horan.’ I wanted to shout it at the top of my lungs. But no sound came out of my mouth. My lips wouldn’t move. I tried harder, but Niall wasn’t in front of me anymore. I wasn’t even in the cave anymore. I was in black, pure darkness. 

I fell to the ground.