The Lost Country

Prologue

It was the night of the 27th of April. I suddenly woke up after seeing him again in my nightmare. I got out of bed and headed straight to the washroom and washed my face which full of ashen. Thinking of him makes me feel terrible and full of guilt. It was like he had captured my mind. Like he was controlling me even though he was physically not here. I felt his presence every second, every moment haunting me. His thoughts kept me awake almost all night long. I was slowly becoming an insomniac.

As the hours ticked by it became harder for me to sleep without thinking about him. I took a glance at the mirror before leaving the washroom. There in front of me stood a tall blonde. I gasped at me state. My eyes were puffy and nose was red due to the amount of tears I had shredded. My hair was a meds as if I ran away from a lunatic asylum, my body was as pale and worse as a corpse.
It always makes me guilty even thinking of the incident I faced. Everybody says that it wasn't my fault and that I should move on in my life because you never know what life can unfold further. I regret to even talk about him and sharing the incident with others because it doesn't make me feel any better, it makes me feel even worse. But what I have learnt is that keeping burring it inside myself is not that easy and someday I will have to share the incident with someone. So here I am sharing it with my diary.

Dear Diary,
It was night of 27th april when James Martin, my boyfriend, my love of two years and me were driving back from a late party at a club. It was a completely isolated place and we had no clue where we were. James was drunk and suddenly spurted by driving at an astonishing speed of 100 km/he. I was extremely terrified by him and admonished him to slow down but in vain. He told me to shut up and spanked me. I was now tear-eyed and broke down into tears. I was beggining to feel as if I wound pass out any moment and every thing around me seemed to spin. Then suddenly it felt as if I was stabbed really hard in my back and I fell unconscious. When I woke up, I was in a bed in an ICU. My mother constantly sobbing sitting at my bed side.
I tried to speak but couldn't even move lips. My condition was very severe.

In a weeks time I recovered and my mom narrated the entire incident to me,"Lee please promise me you wobtvhurt yourself or even try to. I'm really sorry to say but James is no longer alive. His car was crashed on a tree and the hood of the car was shattered and the pieces of tgevhood were stabbed in his body. But, by chance you were saved." Saying this she had hugged me tightly. I yet remember that moment. The world around me had stopped spinning and everything went blank. It was like being stabbed ten thousand times in the heart. It was that bad. The words of my mother were still ringing in my ears and all my hopes were shattered. Myvlife had taken a drastic turn and I felt as if everything was over. My life really didn't haveany purpose . I didn't deserve to live. He should have been alive and not the other way around.