I will never leave you

Inguavila

Inguagiato pov

I walk in to see him. The man I have came to adore, the man that reminds me to live life in the moment, Avila. His face is barely showing through his blanket when I notice him holding something that reflects the light. A knife. "H-Hey, baby why do u have a knife." I ask knowing the answer. He looks up at me with cloudy eyes and sobbing red cheeks. "Because.... Can I talk to you for a minute." He says I between sobs. "Of course babe, I'm always here." I say to comfort him as I sit down and begin to rub his shoulders. Even when he's debating ending his life he still looks beautiful. "I've...I'm...I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it." He takes in a long slow breath before muttering something I can't comprehend. "What?" I ask him trying to stay sympathetic but I'm intensely worried about his well being, I have stopped him from ending it a lot recently and I can't bare to see him like this any longer. "I'm pregnant." He says through his teeth as he began to sob much louder than before. I can't find the words to say, I'm so shocked but I don't want him to feel bad for something he can't change. "It, it." I stop for a moment to gather my words. "It, us, this will all be ok, we will make wonderful dad's and..." He cuts me off by kissing me intently. " I thought you, you would, never mind it's stupid." He says and backs away shyly. "Nothing you say is stupid." I grab his face in my palm and put are foreheads together. "I thought you,you would leave me." He looks like a fragile plate as he says the words that I would never want to enter his mind. "I will never leave you, your the only thing I have, I moved here from New York to be with you and see you everyday I would never want you to think that. I will never leave you." I stand you and put out my hand in an attempt to move him off of the floor. His eyes meet mine and he looks away. I pick up his chine and force him to look at me. "Hey, I love you and have never considered leaving you. You know that, right?" His silence makes me nervous. "We'll let me show you how much I love you." I smirk at him and grab his hand. "We can't, I did something that you would be ashamed of you saw." He tells me and his frown grows. "I would never be ashamed of you." I inform him of what he should already know. "Can I go to the bathroom to gather myself first?" He asks me with a strand voice. "Of course baby, take your time."

Avila pov
"Thank you." My voice is so annoying right now. He takes my hand and I keep my blanket around me to keep my scars from showing. He places a kiss on my forehead to calm me and I stumble to the bathroom. I lock the door behind me and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I hate it. I lift my shirt to see the deep cuts in my abdomen. The words "I'm pregnant," replay in my mind and I taste the salty tears falling from my eyes into my mouth. Life is so stupid, were born, were corrupted by the things life throws at us and then we die. We get thrown in a grave to rotate and people cry and try and imagine me floating up to heaven and living in peace in harmony but in reality I can't feel a thing. That's exactly what I want,to be incapable of feeling. I smash my head into the mirror and the shards skater around the bathroom. I rum the shards that are stuck in my forehead deeper into me. Why not it's not like I care about myself or my well being. Hopefully I will help my body die. If only I could get rid of this baby, it has no place in my heart and it never will. "I hate it!" I scream and fall to the floor. I know Inguagiato mad. Not at me but I know that he doesn't like kids and this doesn't help. The day I found out I was pregnant I drank a ton of vodka in an attempt to kill it but it didn't work. That was over 3 months ago and I haven't been to the doctor and I don't plan on it. I have been wearing spanks to keep it covered. This baby's probably so fucking damaged but I could care less i hope it dies and falls out of me no matter how stupid that sounds.
"Babe, are you ok?" His voice startles me. I love him so much i don't want anything to come between us. "Can you open the door Please?" I run my fingers through my hair thinking of how I could stop this pain right now.

Inguagiato pov
I begin to get scared for my lovers well being he is already going through so much shit right now I can't picture how he is feeling. "I'm going to kick the door down if you don't respond." ......no response. I can't sit here and imagine what state he is in behind are shity apartment door. I kick the door down and see him standing with the knife from earlier in front of him cut up abdomen. Every thing from that point on went in slow motion as he slowly slipped the knife into him. He begins to throw up blood and fell into my arms. I can't explain what I am feeling. I will never feel this low. It feels like my soul has been ripped out of me and I was forced to watch all my demons insert their teeth in to items then stuffed it back into my body. "I'm sorry." He whimpered. "I'm here I will never leave you. I will never leave you."