"Suga listen-" she began.
"No! I'm not going to listen! I don't want to listen! Let me out!" He screamed in her face with unsurmountable fury. She pushed him back roughly. He tried to push her away from the door but she held her ground. He screamed in frustration and ripped his hands through his hair.
"Just calm down." She soothed him. He didn't look at her.
"Screw. You." His breath was shaky and hot. She tried to calm herself down too. After a long silence, his shoulders slumped.
"So you did it because I was gone?" He murmured. She nodded,
"I'm so sorry. I hate myself everyday for it." She murmured.
"That's. That's to be expected." He sighed and turned to face her.
"Please just let me go." He pleaded.
"No. I can't. I won't let you." She yelled. She hated it when he got calm like that. That meant he gave up, he wasn't going to argue. She'd rather argue than have him give up.
"I'm sorry. I just can't trust you." Each word seemed to hurt him too. He reached behind her for the doorknob. She grabbed his hand and pulled him into her. She hugged him tightly.
"No." She whispered firmly. He squirmed out of her grasp and turned away from her.
"What did I do?" She sobbed, "Why did you leave? What did I do? I'll stop doing it! Please just tell me!" She slid down the wall and crouched on the floor, sobbing into her hands.
"It's not your fault." He mumbled. She wailed loudly,
"Then why?"
"Because I was afraid!" He screamed.
"Why!" She screamed back.
"Do you know what I've had to do? If you did you'd be disgusted! You'd want nothing to do with me! You'd hate me! That's why! Because I didn't want to lose you. But it seems, I lost you anyways." He finished quietly and sadly.
"You should've told me! I love you Suga...you haven't lost me. I don't want to lose you either." She stood up and took a few tentative steps towards him.
"No I've lost you and you've lost me. You destroyed me. You were the last thing on this earth that I cared about." His voice turned icy cold and harsh. She covered her mouth with her hand and cried silently.
"I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. I messed up okay? Can you please forgive me?" She pleaded softly. He said nothing. She felt so ignored. She felt so done.
"You can go. Just please, before you do. Tell me why you left." She murmured, defeated.
"No." He answered curtly.
"Please. Just tell me and you can go." She pleaded, frustration building in her voice.
"No." He repeated.
"Just tell me!" She yelled. He looked at her with piercing eyes. Then he blew out a hot breath.
"Guess it doesn't matter anymore anyways."
"I've killed so many people I don't know how many people I've killed." He murmured.
"What?" She asked breathlessly.
"I stopped counting after 15." He shrugged. His shoulders slumped and weary. She shook her head. So what? He was protecting everyone. What did it matter? It was awful, and she was going to hell for thinking it. But she didn't give a shit.
"I don't care. Why would I care? You're doing it to protect me. You're doing what you have to do. It doesn't change how I feel." She told him firmly.
"I killed my father!" He screamed. She felt the breath fly from her lungs.
"What?" She mumbled.
"I killed my father." His voice was strained and sounded like he was in great pain. Why would they make him do it? Yes she was appalled he done it, but she wasn't surprised. He hated his father. She was more disgusted with the people that made him do it. They made him kill his own father. Who does that? They did this to him. They made him collapse into himself. She was angry with them, not him. She could never hate him. Why would he think that. She padded over to him and cupped his face in her hands. He didn't stop her.
"How could you even think that I would hate you?" She murmured soothingly.
"Because I hate myself more that words can describe. No matter what he did, he was my father. And I killed him. I shot him twice." He whispered, his voice shook. The pain was evident in the way he looked. His face was drawn and pale, he was tense and hunched, and his eyes were dark. She slipped her hands down to his neck and cupped his neck in her hands.
"No matter what you do. I could never hate you. You're my home." She murmured, bringing her face up to his. His breathing began to pick up and he searched her eyes wildly. She kept herself steady for him.
And for the first time in what felt like years, she kissed him.
