Living in the limelight

Realizations

I woke up in an alleyway behind a dumpster that smelled ripe of yesterday's trash. I had a pounding headache that seemed to make my muscles convulse with every beat. 

I had no memory of the night before other than drinking a small glass of scotch with Joshua. Afraid of what could happen if I stayed in the alley for too long I began to stand up and stretch my tired limbs. When I did stand I felt a sharp pain between my thighs. The pain was so unbearable that I began to sob harder every second I stood.

My life seems to always end up like this, back and forth utter crap. I wanted all this pain and suffering to end. I had no friends, my family is so far away and I am never able to see them, my life is a waste. 

Wanting to ease my pain I began walking. I walked until it was dark and the stars shined in the sky. I looked up imagining all that I have gone through. By the time the moon was high in the sky I was on the pier. 

I looked down on the dark abyss that roughly splashed onto the shore. I wanted to be apart of that abyss, rough but peaceful. I was so afraid on what I should do. My breathing became heavy as I climbed over the guard rail. 

I looked up and down the deserted pier until I took a big step in the direction of the water.

My last thought was a dedication to my mother.

"I will be a star, not on the movie screen, but in the sky"