Doorways to Everywhere (Tourist Trap Book 2)

Chapter 18

Bobby carefully placed Sarah, Max, and Dr. Octavius on the seat of the rickshaw. They were each only a few inches tall now after Dr. Octavius had zapped them with the shrinking ray. He placed the door next to them. Dr. Octavius had shrunken it down so it was still big enough for them to fit through, but not so big that they couldn't carry it.

"You guys look pretty funny all tiny like that," Bobby said. "You kind of look like sardines. You know, I could really go for some sardines right now."

"Yeah, well we're not sardines so don't even think about eating us," Max said. "Besides I guarantee I'll give you a massive tummy ache if you do."

"Relax, I'm not going to eat you guys. I'm just kind of hungry." He started rummaging through his pocket. "Nice I've got some dried smoked flounder in here. That'll do." He started munching on his snack as he grabbed the handlebars of the rickshaw and began pulling.

"This is much more spacious than last time we rode on it, isn't it?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah this seat's a lot dirtier than I realized, too," Max said. "Makes you wonder just how many asses have been right where we're standing right now. Not to mention how many other unspeakable things."

"I'm sure Bobby is very conscientious about cleaning the seat between passengers," Sarah said.

Max let out an involuntary laugh. "Uh, you've been to his house, remember? That place was a total pigsty. You think he's polishing his rickshaw seat when he can't even pick up garbage off his own floor?"

Dr. Octavius whipped out something that resembled a small laser gun and blasted the seat with it. "There we go. No need to worry. That's my instant sanitizing gun.  I invented it back in college when I had to share a bathroom with a roommate who had an unfortunate condition known as 'flaky butt skin.' This thing comes in handy more often than you might suppose."

Max was about to say something in reply but the rickshaw lurched suddenly underneath them and they were all flung several inches in the air, which seemed like a much greater distance than it would have been under normal circumstances.

"Sorry about that, guys," Bobby called back over his shoulder. "Just hit a pothole."

"This is not exactly a ride of luxury here, is it?" Max said as he picked himself up and dusted himself off.

"Hey look," Sarah said. "I think I found an old blanket wedged between the back of the seat and the cushion. Help me pull it out, would you? It might make the ride more comfortable."

"All right," Max said. "But don't be surprised if you see an extra 'blanket tugging' fee when you get my final bill. This is solidly outside my job description."

They each grabbed at the edge of the blanket and pulled as hard as they could. At first it seemed to be stuck tight, but then they managed to wiggle it free. It was covered in a pattern of penguins and fish heads and had a fine coating of white fur.

"I'd say this is his personal blanket, all right," Max said. "He probably didn't even realize it was back here. I might have to stick a 'blanket locating' fee onto my bill when I give it to him."

Sarah sighed. "First of all, I'm the one who found the blanket. Secondly I don't even want to know what you could possibly be billing him for when he's the one who's pulling you around everywhere."

"Don't be surprised when you see a 'putting up with excessive sass' fee on my bill either," Max said as he sat himself down on the blanket. "At least this thing's cozy."

The rickshaw came to an abrupt stop. Bobby turned around and shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry, guys. There's a huge mob of people blocking our way up ahead."

Sarah leaned out over the edge of the rickshaw to get a look at the crowd. "For crying out loud. Damn tourists. Get out of the way!"

"That's quite the anti-tourist attitude you've adopted there, Sarah," Max said. "You sure you don't want to find what's left of Trevor Mastodon's gang and join the cause?"

Sarah shook her head in disgust. "They're just standing there all slack-jawed and taking pictures. Half of them aren't even wearing Hawaiian shirts. At least make an effort to look like you belong."

Bobby had been talking to someone near the back of the crowd. He turned back to the rickshaw and held up his paws. "I forgot there's a big parade today in celebration of lawn chairs. The crowd's here to see it go by. I don't think we're going to be able to get around, but I can try to push our way towards the front. Maybe we can slip through the parade somehow if we see a gap in it."

"Lawn chairs?" Sarah asked. "Who has a parade to celebrate lawn chairs?"

"Lawn Chair Day is one of our most beloved holidays," Max said.

"Today's Lawn Chair Day?" Sarah asked.

"No, it's Lawn Chair Eve. That's when all the parades happen. Lawn Chair Day proper is actually tomorrow. That's when everyone sits out on their lawn chairs and has an epic party. Which reminds me I'm going to have to bill you extra for holiday pay."

"This place will never cease to amaze me," Sarah said.

They were making their way forward slowly when a large water buffalo bumped against them sending the rickshaw leaning alarmingly to the side.

"Grab onto this crack in the cushion," Dr. Octavius said as he dug his fingers in.

Sarah quickly followed his lead and anchored herself in time to see Max sliding by. She reached out and grabbed him by the shirt collar. He stopped sliding although his arms and legs continued to flail around helplessly.

"There, now I think I should get a 'saved your life' discount on the bill."

"We'll discuss that at the appropriate moment," Max said. "But for now we've got bigger things to worry about. The door just slid over the edge and got lost over the side."

"Oh no," Sarah frowned. "We need that door. It might be our last chance to get to the bottom of this. Bobby doesn't even realize what's happened. He's still moving forward." She yelled his name a few times as loud as she could, trying to get his attention. "It's no use. He can't hear us. We're too small."

"I'm afraid we have no choice but to exit this rickshaw immediately and attempt to retrieve that door," Dr. Octavius said.

"How are we going to do that, Doc?" Max asked. "This seat is at least three feet off the ground, which at our present size may as well be three hundred feet. Not to mention it's moving. Even if we do manage to get off somehow we're effectively surrounded by a crowd of giants who are busy watching a parade and aren't going to be too concerned about watching their feet to make sure they don't squash a bunch of shrunken people."

"We'll worry about avoiding getting crushed once we get down there," Dr. Octavius said. "As for getting off this thing, if you each grab onto a corner of this blanket and I'll grab the other two corners, we may be able to use it as a parachute."

"So that's it? We're jumping over the side and hoping a blanket can slow us down enough to stop our fall?"

"Or at least it might be soft enough to cushion our landing," Dr. Octavius said.

"You are officially crazy. And apparently suicidal. I'll take my chances up here."

"If you want to remain green jumping off this rickshaw might be your only chance."

"God damn it, Doc. You're lucky I'm vain.  All right, let's do this."

They each grabbed on to the blanket and ran towards the edge and jumped.