Love can make you blind. So blind that you don't realize how bad it's hurting you. But yet you still decide to stay. Many people question "why would you stay in something so toxic" that question can only be answered by those who have actually been in a toxic love. For example, that was me....
It was such a young love. A love that couldn't be explained it was only understood if you felt it. A love that was adored and it made you believe that real love still did exist in the world. But what happens when the love becomes lost in one of you and actually dies?
Never did I think that he, why him out of all people would do such a thing to me. You were supposed to be my love. I guess I was nothing but an object to you. I began to realize that this love was not a real love. It was a domestic love. By domestic love, I mean he put bruises on me but supposedly loved me. That's not love. What is it?
As I gazed in your eyes, you saw death in me. You told me you loved me. But choked me to where I couldn't tell you I love you too. But did I really try? No I did not. I felt death approach me when you squeezed harder. Why are you hurting me?? I thought you fuckin loved me...
And yet, I still saw great in you. I just wanted love. That's why I stayed. I saw hope that maybe this is normal.
You did it again. Again, I was experiencing this domestic love. Or was it just domestic? You love me but yet here you are again hurting me...
That's when I knew this wasn't love anymore.
Later on, the love that I had for him died within me. But he still loved me. I just didn't feel it anymore.
So I left him...
I'm not sorry and I never was.
I did not feel bad for hurting you emotionally like you hurt me mentally , emotionally, physically and you get the point.
You hurt and cried but I didn't. That love is dead. I lost myself trying to satisfy you. I am not sorry.
Why hurt me?
Was this ever a real love or domestic love?
