Dear Sissy (One Shot)

Dear Sissy

Dear Sissy,

You've grown stunningly beautiful, strong, creative and smart. Our parents would be very much proud of you, wherever they are right now. I know, they are watching over us, over you. I still remember the day I carried you in my arms. You were so little back then, so soft, so smooth, and so fragile. Words alone are not enough to describe how fond I am to have you. To have an angel near by my side, always. I would never leave you like how they left you. I promised you that. I may not have the courage to tell you what happened before you came. Forcing myself to speak out would break my heart. It's not easy to remember the most precious and yet the most horrible moment of my life, our life. Now, I am letting you know everything.

Mom and Dad were head-over-heels-in-love with each other. They were the most understanding, caring, loving, and sweet. When I was four, I remember how we spend most of the day together. During weekends, we would go to parks, have a picnic. Playing and having fun. It's almost perfect. I couldn't wish for more. One day, mom found out she's pregnant with you. I felt sad and jealous, Mom and Dad's attention would be on you. I kept mum about how I feel. I thought they won't care about me because they already have you, but I am wrong. They didn't make me feel alone, nothing has changed. I started to accept you as my little sibling. I clearly remember how I talked to you when you were on our Mom's womb. How I told you the stories I've read. How I caressed and kissed Mom's tummy. How I prayed for your delivery to come soon, so that I would have a playmate. I wouldn't be alone, not anymore because I will be having you. I was so happy. We were so happy. But in every happy moment comes with a big throe.

Mom collapsed. I panicky call Dad and told him what happened. We rushed Mom to the hospital and found out.. The doctor already told her that she's not capable of bearing another child because of the complications when she gave birth to me. The survival of her would be 50:50. I cried. I was so worried about you and mom. The most heartbreaking moment came, the doctors asked Mom and Dad to choose. Mom's, or your life. Mom answered without hesitation. She carried you for seven months, I did expect bad things would happen. But I never thought it would be this bad. On the 7th month, mom gave birth to you through cesarean procedure. She stopped breathing the moment she took a glimpse of you. I can't remember how much I cried for the death of the finest mother on Earth.

Dad got depressed and real sad. He cried a lot. I know. I can hear his sobs during the night. I was walking towards his room, I would like to hug Dad and tell him how much I love him. I opened the door, saw him hanging. Hanging on the ceiling. I shrieked. I cried my eyes out. Mom and Dad left me alone. I'm so sorry my letter's a mess.. I can't help myself but cry.. For the memories I don't want to look back to. I'm a mess. My life is a mess. I couldn't remember the last time I laugh.

Granny took charge of taking care of me, since you're still at the hospital.. We would go together to come and see you. After a very long two months, we finally got you out the hospital. I'm not allowed to carry you because they said I might drop you or even worse. At home, Granny made me seat on the bed, handed you over. I cried. How I wish you feel how Mom and Dad would touch, adore and care for you. I just stared at your innocent face, memorizing every bit detail of your structure. How unfair life could be? That even an angel like you, was left with nothing. Nothing but me. I didn't know how to take Mom's place. I didn't know if I could. I cried more at the thoughts. I wish they were here.

You grew up fast, I never took my eyes off of you. Raising a very smart child is a pain in the ass. There are times, you would just ask lots of out of the world random questions. I didn't know how to answer your witty questions. But I tried no matter how hard or how stupid I might look like. I tried. But there's this only one question I couldn't answer that time.. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't find a word to speak. When I got to school on weekdays, I would think about you. About what you are doing. I even want to go home to check if what you have eaten.