Welcome To My Not So Perfect Life

Introducing Me

A happy child is what I once was.. I got excited over everything. I had friends. There was always a smile on my face. That smile's still on my face, only it's fake.. It hides all the pain I feel inside. From looking at me, you could never guess I was a depressed teenager that hated anything and everything..

What happened to that sweet little girl? Well, I for one am not even quite sure. One day she just disappeared, never to be seen again.

Could she ever come back? There's always room for hope, but it's highly unlikely. Once you're like me, you can never go back.

Here's a little background on me:

First off, my name's Nicole Voula and I was born 22 evenings into the cold and snowy month of January. . I have long wavy dark brown with a slight curl to it.. My hair has various colors within it, including pink, green, red, blue, orange, and blonde. It kind of looks like a rainbow tried to throwup in it and failed miserably. I have hazel eyes, that everyone always mistakes as being brown. If you look closely, you can see the green.. I like to describe my eyes as being green with brown placed directly on top, denying the green its rightful place as my eye color with a grey ring surrounding it. I'm missing two teeth, that'll sadly never come in. One was beautifully knocked out of my mouth in camp when I was in grade four. The other just never came in. I have two teeth slightly turned, making it look as if I have Vampire fangs.. I'm 5'4 and have nearly a clear face with a few pimples appearing every now and then.

That's enough of my physical description, let's go talk about something else.

I'll start this off by letting you know, I'm really awkward... Like, it's not even funny how awkward I am. I listen to music more than I listen to people.. It's there for me when no one else is. Its even saved my life several times. It's the sole reason I don't hurt myself. I have a hard time trusting people for the fact that I've been hurt by others more times than I can even count.. Most times its been by my so-called 'friends' and 'best friends'.. I don't even really know what it's like to feel loved and cared about by others. I really wish I did. I've cried myself to sleep countless times over everything. Sometimes I feel like the world would be better off without me. I ruin everything, afterall. Several bands I've really grown fond of are Simple Plan, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, Three Days Grace, All Time Low, Boys Like Girls, and We Are The In Crowd. They're, honestly, the only reason I'm still here.

Every single person I've called a best friend has hurt me at some point in my life. I'm thankful for the fact that I at least have one person that I know cares about me, the only person I can trust, the only person that I'm not fearful to call a best friend -- Alicia Ariana. We do some of the stupidest things together. She's the only person that I can freely be myself around. We get into stupid arguments, but we always make up.. She knows all of my secrets and she's practically my sister. She knows me better than anyone on this planet. We're very similar in so many ways.. But, we're very different in a lot of ways, as well. She's actually another reason I'm still here.. If I left this world, she'd finally hit rock bottom, as would I if she did.

Let's get to a happier part of this friendship.

We stay up all night talking about the most random things sometimes.. Once we listed what must've been 100 awkward moments we've had.. Let's just say some things were, uh, very... AWKWARD. Our awkward conversations, they're never actually awkward. We have tons of inside jokes. They come about from weird moments we share, some are involving bands, others are involving the random things I tend to say all the time. When I'm unhappy about something, I can just talk to her and I'll forget the whole reason I was unhappy. It's amazing to have a friend like her.. She's one of the best people in the world.

Some might describe me as scene, others might describe me as emo, most, however, describe me as a nerd. And, no doubt, I am. Aspects of my life fit the criteria for all three. I'd describe myself as a combination of all three. I like to wear my hair big. I love cartoons. I suffer from chronic depression and wear a lot of black. I wear huge nerd frames. My hair is multicolored. I read a lot. I live in a fantasy world, quite often.

My typical outfit is composed of skinny jeans or leggings, converse, and oversized t-shirts with either bands or cartoon characters on them.. I wear a lot of studded things and stuff with bows.

A few of my passions are art, music, and writing. I'm fully aware, it's not an uncommon thing for people like me.. Most people could've probably figured this on their own without me telling them. Whatever.

Once upon I was a straight A student, now I'm failing every class.. This probably happened around the time when my everlasting happiness faded to grey. I don't know, I'll let you be the judge of that.. Unless you don't wanna judge that.