Doorways to Everywhere (Tourist Trap Book 2)

Chapter 49

"They're attempting to hail us," Zannah said as she stared into a screen. "Should we patch them through?"

"Is there really anything to discuss?" Captain Torean said. "Those are the guys that blew up your world. And our new friends' spaceship."

"Perhaps I can talk them into surrender with my unparalleled skills at diplomacy," Trey said.

"Something tells me these guys are immune even to your charms," Captain Torean said. "But I suppose it's worth a shot."

"Maybe I could break the ice with a few jokes," Wayne said.

"If Trey can't get through to them, maybe we'll give it a try," Captain Torean said. "I suspect they'll have even less of a sense of humor than our friend Geek, though. Bring them up on the screen."

"You're calling me Geek now, too?" Zeke said. "What the hell?"

"Hush, Geek," Wayne said. "Now is not the time for your petty concerns."

Zannah pushed a button and the screen was filled with a horrifying demonic face.

"That's the guy that attacked me back at the bar," Zeke whispered to Sadie. "I can't believe we're about to go head to head with the big bad guy. He's apparently got some fancy name like destroyer of worlds or something."

"You villainous scum," Zannah shouted. "You killed everyone I ever knew or loved!"

The demon made a chittering noise in response.

"Please, Zannah," Trey said. "Allow me. Attention. My name is Trey Sunblaze. I will give you one warning only. We are the most fearsome fighters in this sector of the galaxy. Captain Torean is the most skilled pilot I've ever met and the Starswan is well-armed. We can and we will obliterate you unless you surrender right now."

The demon chittered again. Suddenly Zeke heard a deep and inhuman voice that seemed to originate from inside his head. "Foolish little insects. You are nothing before the power of Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds. Prepare to die a slow and agonizing demise. Your flesh will be feasted on before you expire and your heads shall be utilized as excrement receptacles for our lowliest troopers."

Zeke could feel his skin crawling in response to the demon's words.

"It's horrible," Sadie shuddered. "That monster is the most awful thing I can imagine."

"Say, did you hear the one about the insurance salesman from Vega?" Wayne asked. "He ended up selling a Rigelian policy to a housewife from Betelgeuse."

There was a loud sound and then the Starswan rocked back and forth violently.

"They've fired on us, sir," Zannah said.

"Everyone to their battle stations!" Captain Torean shouted.

Zeke looked around dumbly as the crew started running around. He thought maybe if he took a step backwards he might be a little bit more out of the way. Instead he crashed right into Shazmar. The spindly orange alien fell to the floor. It squeaked and shook its fist at Zeke and then skittered its way into a chair.

"Everybody strap in!" Captain Torean shouted. "I'm about to attempt some fancy maneuvers."

Zeke looked around frantically. All of the remaining seats had been claimed and he watched as Sadie strapped Bumble-Boo into the seat next to her.

"No room over here," Nulfar said as he strapped the goat in to a seat next to him.

"Is scooting over so you can maybe squeeze in," Milosh called out from his seat next to WBDG. The few inches of room he created didn't look like they'd be enough room for Zeke to fit. He tried to make his way over there anyway, but Captain Torean chose that moment to execute a barrel roll. Zeke hit the ceiling and then slammed into one of the walls before dropping to the floor.

"That looked painful," Nulfar said.

"Why did that even happen?" Zeke groaned. "I thought there was no 'up' or 'down' in space. Shouldn't the ship's artificial gravity keep me glued to the floor?"

"We've elected to simulate the conditions of planetary gravity," Zannah said. "Therefore the ship has assigned an arbitrary direction as 'up' and calculates a consistent direction of gravitational pull from there. We find it helps keep us oriented."

"I think it would be more helpful if the floor was always 'down,' personally," Zeke said as he found himself flattened against the ceiling once more. "Doesn't this make everything that's not bolted down to the ground go flying around in the rest of the ship? Like the balls on the pool table. Aren't they flying around everywhere in the other room?"

"They have special magnetic attachments to the pool table," Zannah said. "They are fine. The only thing that isn't is you. Why don't you get strapped in before somebody gets hurt?"

"Why don't you people provide some more seating so I can?" Zeke said as he crashed back to the floor.

"I'm sorry I cannot devote further attention to you right now," Zannah said. "I must focus on the task at hand."

"Grab on to Milosh," Milosh said as he extended his hand. "Milosh has strong grip."

Zeke reached out and grasped Milosh's wrist. Milosh was able to keep him in a relatively steady position as the ship twisted and turned, although he did bang his knees a few times against the bench.

Zeke tried to watch the progress of the battle through the view screen, but couldn't really follow what was going on. He caught occasional glimpses of a spaceship, but mostly the screen was just black.

"Hang on tight," Captain Torean said as he clutched the controls tightly. "I'm going in for the kill!"

Zeke felt himself being tugged towards the ceiling and then from side to side. He saw a bright orange explosion on the view screen and the crew let out a loud cheer.

"We did it!" Zannah shouted. "We destroyed the Master. We have killed Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds. We have eliminated the unspeakable scourge of the universe!"

"I hate to be a party pooper," Nulfar said. "But I see two problems with that statement. First of all, the Master most likely teleported out of the ship with that magic door of his before it exploded. Also that was not Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds."