Always in my heart

This is always how I rant out most of my feels so here's one little way I have before

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I closed my eyes and breathed in trying not to let the years spill down my cheeks. It had been years since the band broke up. We could go on without Harry. Our little Hazza. My curly headed boy.

"Lou, you okay in there?" Liam asked. "Yeah I'm fine," I said, dropping my head to my knees and clicking the button off on my phone.

"Lou, if you don't come out I'm coming in!"

"I SAID IM FINE!" I shrieked.

"Shhh, Lou it's okay. We miss him--"

"No you don't," I yelled, "you don't miss him like I do!"

"I know not as much as you do, but we miss him too," he whispered. I stared back at my phone and unlocked it. Twitter and Instagram was chock full of the news article that had nearly killed me three years ago.

HARRY STYLES SUICIDE

This morning Liam Payne walked into Louis and Harry's shared flat to find Styles had commuted suicide. He left short notes to his family and to the people associated with his band...

I couldn't read anymore so I went to my own feed and posted one picture that summed up my feelings at the time.

~~~

Cover photo

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My heart dropped and I leaned back against the bathroom wall and waited. Just waited till-- CRASH! Liam and Zayn kicked down the door and carefully carried me away from the room that Harry had killed himself in. Liam told the cops not to touch the crime scene till I got back. I drove for 4 hours from Eleanor's flat in Manchester to our own flat in London. Harry was sitting up against the wall. 12 notes tucked neatly in his limp, pale hand and an empty water bottle in the other. In between his legs was a bottle of pills which was now almost empty.

I never showed anyone the note Harry had written to me. Partly because I was now the only one who would ever know why he killed himself.

Just as some fans... Most fans had suspected Harry and I were a couple. Eleanor was supposed to be my straight project... That didn't work much. Harry and I shared a flat and we stayed together whenever it was possible. I loved him, but just to keep management off our arses I still went out with Eleanor, increasingly as we started getting more 'Larry shippers' as the fans called themselves. Harry was just as upset about it as I was and both of us finally worked up enough courage to come out without worrying about hate. The boys were behind us 100% and we were going to come out into the world as gay on the day that management called. The told me Eleanor broke her arm and if I wasn't there I was loosing salary and I would have to move flats. So I said I'm sorry a million times to Harry before running out to my car and driving to Eleanor's. When I got there I realized how freaking much I hated management. Eleanor was not hurt at all and my twitter was logged in saying

'I missed her so much I just had to drive up to my true love' I got a call exactly 17 minutes later that told me my real true love had killed himself. I drove home angry and sad and almost died in the process. The day after that our band powered off. Without Harry One Direction wasn't itself. With out the curls we were almost nothing. With my chin up later on that very day I told the entire world about me and Harry. Hate didn't come at all. Somehow when you love someone the least amount of hate comes when they die.

It killed me to think I couldn't have said all this 24 hours earlier; And now I was in the present and I wished I could die. Liam, Zayn and Niall left shortly after making sure I was 'fine' and hugged me goodbye before leaving to their own happy families. Liam and Danielle had gotten married and had a son on the way. Zayn and Perrie had their little blond princess and Niall finally found his princess... Or should I say prince? It didn't matter to me as long as they had their fallback plans. I said goodbye to the poster of us boys up in our glory days, my eyes lingering on Harry's green ones much longer than intended then I pulled out the rest of the pills from the bottle Harry had touched in his last few minutes. I opened the orange bottle and poured the rest of the smooth pills into my hands. I slowly took then all until there was no more left and I was only just barely having the ability to see Niall rush into the room.

"Lou! Louis, can you hear me?" He asked, his voice slipping away.

"I need Harry," I whispered horsely and I closed my eyes. White lights took over my vision and someone grabbed my shoulder, yanking me upwards. I was suddenly in a familiar bed with a familiar smell waiting through the open door. I quickly jumped off the bed and down the stairs. Pushing into the kitchen I saw Harry. My Harry, cooking breakfast.

"Hello, Lou Bear. Been a while huh? How would you like your eggs?" I pounced on him tackling him to the floor and slapping his happy cheeks.

"Hey what was--" I cut him off with a warm kiss to his lips an my heart whispered to me:

'You're home'

•••••••

The fanart is not by me I just found it on the Internet!