green eyes

Jade:
I look in the mirror. The same girl stares back at me. Her green eyes remind me of my mom, the one I miss dearly. The girl that everyone sees is in front of me, the happy, skinny, smart, little girl. But I don't see that, because I had to live as this girl. I step away from the mirror to get dressed and as I am putting on my right shoe, the laughing begins.

They are outside my window, playing kickball and laughing. It's america's children. The ones that are blinded by the easy life that they are privileged to live. They don't have to live with the constant fear of being knocked down and trying so hard to get back up- when they know that you never can. The ones who don't get bullied, don't get picked on, and their tears are shed for being pushed down on the slide instead of pushed against a wall.

I hold myself back from going outside and telling them to shut up. Their mothers protect them from such cruelty and language as simple as that. Every laugh and every giggle haunts me without them even realizing. They are showing me happiness, the crucial part in life that i lack. They go to school with pigtails and high hopes- I enter that hell with fear and a choke hold around my neck. The normal 'pre-school' hollers from downstairs begin "JADE! Don't you care about your grades anymore? Come, you don't want to be late."

The 15 minute drive to school is the same. We pass the same houses, cars, stop signs, and most of the same people. Its just the same, nothing new, nothing interesting.

Its just the same.

I start the day out at my locker, transferring books out of my locker and into my bare and weak arms to carry to class. I get kicked by a boy walking by, was it accidental? Most likely not.

I am not liked at this school. For a reason unknown to me, I am most hated here, and un-arguably most bullied.

Classes pass like hours, I am slow as a slug, and dumb as a rock. The words coming from multiple teachers are able to be heard, but not comprehended. Even Brody is better than me, and he is the meanest person.......... Ever. So not only am I hated but, unlike most picked on nerds, I am not smart. It's not debatable. I may have gotten one C in my life- most everything else was worse.

It's in lunch where it gets bad. I sit at a table alone, me and my grilled cheese. Just us two, alone. I hear my name said across the room ".............. Weird......... Jade....... Freak......" the words pound around inside my head. I don't know what they are talking about- but I can sure as crap guess.

I feel something wet on the back of my shirt. I struggle to get my arm behind my back, but I feels it. I cannot grasp it though. When I pull my hand back, it's red. But I'm not bleeding. A girl with messy red hair comes up behind me. She brushes the "thing" off my back and onto the ground. I peer over- it's spaghetti.

My shirt is ruined. My confidence is shattered. My place in this school is downgraded to an even lower level than I thought possible The day blurs as I break out into tears. My sanity is lost somewhere as I make my way to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and take off the mask, the happy mask that I wear all the time. But I can't wear it anymore. I can't live that lie anymore. I want to leave. I want to go home.

The bell rings and everyone makes their way to the door to leave. I get shoved outside by a boy with black hair, he doesn't seem to care. My body gets thrown to the pavement and I feel the impact on my jaw. As I hoist myself back up again I get passed by faces and feet and I hear voices. Voices and voices engulfed in conversation, engulfed in drama to be more exact. They file onto the school bus like robots. Kicking, screaming, loud, rambunctious robots. I don't follow.

I wait until after the yellow vehicle has left- and I hop into my grandmother's car parked next to the bushes. My abba, my grandmother, she can be called many things, but it doesn't change who she is-- the last piece of my mom who is now looking down on me from above, the angel that I know she has turned into. I place my backpack on the floor by my feet as the car starts to move away from the school.