Princess Series Two: The Bitter Bitch

11: The Meeting

JASMINE

"Well, ano na ba balak mo, Jas?" tanong ni Erella pagkatapos kong i-kwento sakanya ang mga nangyayari nitong mga nakaraang araw. To say she was surprised would be an understatement.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. "I don't know, bi," nakasimangot sa sagot ko. "I mean, yeah, I like him. And he's the first guy to get to me after Keslow. Pero sapat na ba 'yun para makilala niya si Papa?"

Nagkibit-balikat siya. "Bakit 'di mo tanungin ang sarili mo? After all, it's your life that will be altered."

"E, 'yun na nga! My life! Life!" Huminga ako ng malalim. "Buong buhay ko 'yung mababago, bi. And I don't think I'm ready to accept change any time soon."

"Why not?" Kumunot ang noo niya. "You're over Keslow, nakuha mo na 'yung much needed closure mo. What else is making you this scared?"

Saglit akong natahimik. Then in a low voice, I said, "Paano kung masaktan ulit ako, bi? Paano kung, this time, masisira na talaga ako?" She remained quiet. "My first heartbreak changed me so much. Another one would kill me inside, Erella."

Mapait siyang ngumiti. "Then don't let it kill you, Jas," sabi niya. "Look, this is the nicest and calmest you've been in three years. At kahit ano'ng sabihin mo, alam kong dahil 'yun sakanya. Yes, Keslow changed you. Turned you into what others believe is a bitch—pero, Jas, this Derick guy is bringing out the best in you. Hindi mo dapat pinapakawalan ang mga taong ganun."

"It's so easy to say," mahinang usal ko at napaiwas ng tingin. Gosh, I hated being so vulnerable and weak. It makes it easier for people to hurt me. "Pero, damn, ang hirap gawin. Derick is already thinking about the future—our future, and that scares me, bi. Kasi alam kong hindi pa ako handa para doon. My heart is still encaged in this... this locked cell."

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. "Then give him the key to open it," malumay niyang sinabi sa'kin.

I trembled inside. Can I do that? Am I willing to do that? "Everything's too fast."

"Tell him to slow down," kontra ni Erella. She sighed. "Jas, pinapa-komplikado mo lang 'to, e. Communicate with him. Sabihin mo kung ano ang nararamdaman mo."

I looked at her, mortified. "My feelings? You want me to talk about my feelings?"

Ngumit siya at sumandal sa inuupuan niya. "Stop being dramatic, Jas. Sooner or later, kailangan mo ding sabihin sakanya ang nararamdaman mo."

Napangiwi ako. "Or p'wede ko namang iparamdam. Sabi nga nila, action speaks louder than words, hindi ba?"

"Ito lang ang masasabi ko: if he makes you happy, then don't let him go." Ngumiti si Erella sa'kin. "Hindi ka ba nagtataka kung bakit nagpapakatanga ang mga kaibigan natin?"

"Because they love Prince and Eric," sagot ko. That's too easy of an answer.

Umiling si Erella. "And because those asshats make them happy, Jas. Happiness plays a vital role in sacrifice. So kung ako sa'yo, huwag mong hayaang mawala sa'yo 'yung nagpapasaya sa'yo. Ikaw din kawawa."

Bumuntong-hininga nalang ako at umiwas ng tingin. I hate it so much that everything Erella said is true. Then I remembered Keslow's words to me:

You're not bitter, you're just hurt.

=•=

"Papa, huwag mong takutin 'yung tao," sabi ko habang inaayos ang neck tie niya. I tugged on it and he smiled.

"Bakit, anak? Takot ka na iwan ka niya?"

Home run!

Umiwas ako ng tingin. "Siguro."