Holding On and Letting Go

Holding on and Letting Go

Chapter One

The first time I woke up there was no one. I was dazed… dizzy, afraid, confused, weak. Somewhere nearby a monitor beeped, furiously trying to keep up with my brain activity and heart rate. I couldn’t really move anything but my eyes, meaning that the only thing I could look at was the dingy, piss yellow fluorescent lights above me. I squinted, unprepared to be confronted with such brightness. Where the hell was I? A hospital? No, I wouldn’t be in a hospital I was just at the… just ten minutes ago I was at the… blank. A brick wall that wouldn’t break. Wouldn’t tell me why I was here, or where I had been before. My own mind was shutting me out. I wasn’t sure of anything, except that I wanted the lights off. With great effort I managed to tilt my head an inch or so, causing a massive pain to shoot through my head and neck. My eyes snapped closed, and instantly, I was out cold.

The second time I woke up, there was someone. A man, no, not even. A boy. My age, if not a little older, with smooth tan skin and tousled blonde hair. I took an appreciative note that someone had propped me up on pillows into a sitting position. He sat in a chair across the room from me, with his elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands. It took me a moment to realize that he was praying.

Before I could stop myself from interrupting whatever his prayers were about, I blurted out, “Who are you?” But my throat was raw, so it came out as a raspy breath. It sounded the way you’re voice does when you’ve just woken up from a deep sleep. I swallowed; my mouth was dry. Still, his head snapped up and his blue eyes widened. It took me less than a second to realize he was cute. Not that it really mattered, because I didn’t know who he was.

“Capri?” He stood up and rushed to my side, a broad smile breaking out across his face. “I’m so glad you’re awake babe!” He gushed, taking my right hand in his. I gave him a weird look, pulling my hand free. A look of confusion darted across his face.

            “Who are you?” I asked again, clearer this time. I was no longer able to see his brilliantly white teeth, for his smile had fallen. His eyes darkened over, more grey than blue.

            “It’s me,” he said softly, his trembling hands gripped the side of my bed like a lifeline. “Ian? Your boyfriend?” Of one thing I was sure: this guy was not my boyfriend. I’d never seen him before in my life. I leaned away from him, a little afraid. Before either of us could say anything the door burst open. A woman in a soft pink business suit rushed in, tugging a slightly overweight man with her.

            “Oh honey!” She cried, her designer shoes clacking obnoxiously on the tile floors as she rushed over to me. Her ebony hair was pinned back into a tight ponytail that reached her mid back and her eyes were rimmed with dark makeup and overflowing with tears. She wrapped her skinny arms around me and I hugged her back. She smelled heavily of perfume and I inhaled, the familiar scent of my mother momentarily clearing my frazzled brain. Looking over her shoulder I saw the man, dressed in slacks with a slight sheen of sweat across his forehead. He looked extremely uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of me, or because his collar was too tight.

            “Hi Dad,” I smiled nervously and fluttered my fingers in a tiny wave. The corners of his mouth twitched into a small smile, but with my dad, that was the best you got.

            “Hi Capri,” he replied, and gave a subtle wink before shuffling out the door.

            My mother, oblivious as always, did not notice his absence and turned to the blonde boy. “When did she wake up, Ian?” She asked, and he scratched the back of his head, glancing at the clock above the door.