I Love You. So Much. (A Kohnnie Fanfic) (boyxboy)

Chapter 17 Johnnie

{Hi, Johnnie

Reading this you already know that I've commited suicide.

 I have so much that I want to say but I don't really know how to, sorry if this is confusing,

First I want to say thank you for kissing me, i'm sorry I pressured you when you didn't want too. Although kissing you was the best thing I've ever felt, I would take it back a thousand times. What you said made me the saddest I've ever been,

This probably don't make any sense,

I've been helplessly in love with you for 4 years.

 I know you hate even thinking about being in a relationship with a guy, so please don't hate me,

I've tried to make these feelings go away I swear. I've tried so hard to make them go away, but they just don't,

And even if you did like guys, you could get a much better boyfriend than me,

I honestly don't know why you didn't leave me like everyone else,

Pity?

Sorrow?

Is it because your an awesome person?

Probably all of those, mostly the last one,

I wasn't going to make a note, but I knew you would want an explanation, and you deserve one,

I just don't want you to be sad, or feel bad,

Yes, what you said was kind of the last straw,

But you are the one that's kept me alive, for so long,

You were my friend when no one else would be,

You were there for me when everyone else left,

You were concerned when no one else was,

You cared about me when nobody else did,

You held me close when everybody pushed me away,

You always helped me, and made me feel safe,Those are probably some of the reasons why I fell so deeply in love with you.

Thank you,

For everything.

Your the most amazing friend in the world,

And i'm sorry,

I'm so sorry.}

I look down at the note, tears falling freely down my face. There are so many thoughts going through my mind. I don't know what i'm going to do.

I just, I just can't believe he tried to kill himself . And he may have accomplished it.

Because of me.

Because I called him disgusting.

Because he loves me.

Now I know what i'm going to do.

I'm going to love him.

I already love him as a friend, I'll just learn to love him in a romantic way.

And If I can't love him like that,

Then I will spend the rest of my life trying.

Because he's worth it.

Song: Astronaut by Simple Plan